I'm pretty sure close to 100% of teachers are armed... I mean, don't these people take basic human anatomy in high school? Arming teachers is a moot point.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 26 2018
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
The right to bear arms
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
π︎ 865
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Where did the one armed man go
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, βA beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
A ate a burger from a 1-armed chef.
He said it was a handburger.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
π︎ 484
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
So Iβm at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still donβt know because he hasnβt opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
βDad, I knew that story wasnβt real because you donβt have any friendsβ
π»π»ππβ οΈβ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.
She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.
Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?
He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
π︎ 73
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
I told my chair to put its arms up.
I found some cushion its pocket.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs standing in the windowsill?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
My brother lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible auto accident.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Are the guards at the Paralympics armed?
Or is that considered cheating?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Constitutional rights at stake.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.
π︎ 623
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?
π︎ 131
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
En garde!
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Wife after the gym: "Ugh I can't feel my arms"
reaches out and touches her arm "Oh that's ok, I'll feel them for you!"
Anyways I'm divorced now.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.
Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 09 2020
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 101
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
Our company
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
A heavily armed man runs into an estate agent....Screaming....
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.
Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
What do you call an Italian with no arms?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
We are doing a jigsaw puzzle of the human anatomy, and I hid the upper arm.
Nobody else finds this humerus.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
A dog stole a skeletons left arm and left leg.
Itβs ok, heβs all right now.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
What do you call a dude with no arms and no legs who...
...hangs on a wall?
Art
...goes for a swim?
Bob
...sits on a porch?
Matt
...lies in a ditch?
Phil
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
Iβve started an organization that grants scholarships to former armed services individuals that want to become animal doctors. Grantees are awarded based on an interview process.
I call it βBest bets for vetting vets for vetsβ
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
An armed robber bursts into a store one day.
Pointing his firearm at two cashiers, he shouts βhand over the contents of the cash register! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession...you know, a habitual occupation followed for a livelihood and involving commercial transactions!β
Cashier 1: βWhat do we do?β
Cashier 2: βDo what he says, I think he means business!β
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
Right to bear arms...
π︎ 27
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, βI donβt think they have what youβre looking for, sir.β
I told him, βI donβt think they have what youβre looking for, sir.β
π︎ 198
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
What Ernest Hemingway novel sees Harry Morgan lose an arm?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
How arm-azing
π︎ 78
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
What do you call s man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
π︎ 57
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a pool?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
What do you call a deaf man with a robotic arm
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 57
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
The man says "One whiskey for me and one for the road"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He shouts, βA beer please! And one for the road!β
π︎ 523
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
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