I'm pretty sure close to 100% of teachers are armed... I mean, don't these people take basic human anatomy in high school? Arming teachers is a moot point.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/footsteps71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?

A sighborg.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
The right to bear arms
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Z-3-R-0-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 865
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Where did the one armed man go

To the second hand shop

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TabbyReddit07
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, β€œA beer please, ..."

"... and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A ate a burger from a 1-armed chef.

He said it was a handburger.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVegano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?

A liar.

πŸ‘︎ 484
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

β€˜Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ’€πŸ’€β˜ οΈβ˜ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.

She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.

Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?

He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my chair to put its arms up.

I found some cushion its pocket.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gdspaz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs standing in the windowsill?

...Curt & Rod

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/purcy_77
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrevAccountBanned
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My brother lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible auto accident.

He is all right, now.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/numberthu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Are the guards at the Paralympics armed?

Or is that considered cheating?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YolkyBoii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fabulos4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?

"Do not consume if seal is broken."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djkress
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm.

He was bambidextrous

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pigonstilts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Constitutional rights at stake.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatguykeith
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun

Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 623
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireseeker4him
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?

Single-handedly.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swistiannt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
En garde!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahydron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife after the gym: "Ugh I can't feel my arms"

reaches out and touches her arm "Oh that's ok, I'll feel them for you!"

Anyways I'm divorced now.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeachPeachMcgee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Our company
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sobie02
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A heavily armed man runs into an estate agent....Screaming....

Nobody move.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.

Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrendelBlackedOut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Italian with no arms?

Mute.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
We are doing a jigsaw puzzle of the human anatomy, and I hid the upper arm.

Nobody else finds this humerus.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedrabies
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A dog stole a skeletons left arm and left leg.

It’s ok, he’s all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NormallyWierd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dude with no arms and no legs who...

...hangs on a wall?

Art

...goes for a swim?

Bob

...sits on a porch?

Matt

...lies in a ditch?

Phil

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJknox09
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve started an organization that grants scholarships to former armed services individuals that want to become animal doctors. Grantees are awarded based on an interview process.

I call it β€œBest bets for vetting vets for vets”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
An armed robber bursts into a store one day.

Pointing his firearm at two cashiers, he shouts β€œhand over the contents of the cash register! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession...you know, a habitual occupation followed for a livelihood and involving commercial transactions!”

Cashier 1: β€œWhat do we do?”

Cashier 2: β€œDo what he says, I think he means business!”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Right to bear arms...
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bathpoopoo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What Ernest Hemingway novel sees Harry Morgan lose an arm?

A Farewell to Arm.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How arm-azing
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whyizitwet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call s man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s_tormbringr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?

8 pirates!

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dashoverkill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?

A sighborg.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JediMasterSeamus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a pool?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuttsMcGee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a deaf man with a robotic arm

Signborg

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OmarGobara
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.

The man says "One whiskey for me and one for the road"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.

He shouts, β€œA beer please! And one for the road!”

πŸ‘︎ 523
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/That-Big-Man-J
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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