What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Where did the one armed man go
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
A ate a burger from a 1-armed chef.
He said it was a handburger.
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.
She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.
Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"
I told my chair to put its arms up.
I found some cushion its pocket.
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?
He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs standing in the windowsill?
Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
Are the guards at the Paralympics armed?
Or is that considered cheating?
My brother lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible auto accident.
Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm.
Constitutional rights at stake.
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?
Wife after the gym: "Ugh I can't feel my arms"
reaches out and touches her arm "Oh that's ok, I'll feel them for you!"
Anyways I'm divorced now.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A heavily armed man runs into an estate agent....Screaming....
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.
Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head
I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.
Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
What do you call an Italian with no arms?
We are doing a jigsaw puzzle of the human anatomy, and I hid the upper arm.
Nobody else finds this humerus.
A dog stole a skeletons left arm and left leg.
It’s ok, he’s all right now.
What do you call a dude with no arms and no legs who...
...hangs on a wall?
Art
...goes for a swim?
Bob
...sits on a porch?
Matt
...lies in a ditch?
Phil
I’ve started an organization that grants scholarships to former armed services individuals that want to become animal doctors. Grantees are awarded based on an interview process.
I call it “Best bets for vetting vets for vets”
An armed robber bursts into a store one day.
Pointing his firearm at two cashiers, he shouts “hand over the contents of the cash register! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession...you know, a habitual occupation followed for a livelihood and involving commercial transactions!”
Cashier 1: “What do we do?”
Cashier 2: “Do what he says, I think he means business!”
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What Ernest Hemingway novel sees Harry Morgan lose an arm?
What do you call someone with one arm?
What do you call s man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a pool?
What do you call a deaf man with a robotic arm
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
The man says "One whiskey for me and one for the road"
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He shouts, “A beer please! And one for the road!”
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