Firearms
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndBestMommyEver
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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No firearms
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamboKambo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Why is your firearm so excited for October?

Because it's a semi autumn addict

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yahtzee44444
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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No firearms allowed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ash92596
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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Why couldn’t the cantaloupe purchase a firearm?

Because he was a convicted melon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/renedotmac
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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What firearm is used to perfectly season food?

An As-salt rifle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/codesnowman13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2016
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My wife insisted she has nudist genes

I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans

Edit: there->their

Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/S93C141
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I turned my prosthetic into a flamethrower

Now it's a firearm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pikpik36
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.

She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.

Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!

After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digeratisensei
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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An armed robber bursts into a store one day.

Pointing his firearm at two cashiers, he shouts β€œhand over the contents of the cash register! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession...you know, a habitual occupation followed for a livelihood and involving commercial transactions!”

Cashier 1: β€œWhat do we do?”

Cashier 2: β€œDo what he says, I think he means business!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Shooting videos....

Lol, I was talking with a friend back home about shooting firearms; I said because of my location I cannot shoot so take me some videos of you shooting. He writes a note on his white board that says β€œshooting videos”. I started laughing when he told me his note said shooting videos. When I explained to him why I was laughing he took a look at the board and said β€œWow I’m going to make shooting videos of me shooting”. That was a good one my friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justlurking73
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,

There are no firearms allowed in this building.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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My Dad works for a welding supplier, so heres his welding dad joke

A guy was cutting with an acetylene torch when suddenly there is a break in the line. The acetelyne starts shooting up his arm and a stray spark ignites it. His arm bursts into flame. He starts running around the shop waving his arm around while it's on fire until someone hits him with the fire extinguisher.

After the fire is out and the EMT's arrive, the police are there taking statements from the witnesses. When the officer finishes this, he pulls out his handcuffs, goes over to the burned guy on the ground, pushes the EMT out of the way, and arrests the burned guy.

When he brings the guy to the station, the chief asks him why he arrested this guy when he clearly needs medical attention. The officer responded by saying "He was waving a firearm in public"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Better_Devil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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β€œ007-Eleven”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liberaltariat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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I buy my guns from a guy that goes by β€œT-Rex”

He’s a small arms dealer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/6stringsteev
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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Son got me!

Went shooting at an outdoor range. With my 11 year old boy. After putting 1000 rounds down range, we headed home. While driving home after like 10 mins...

Me, "my ears are messed up, the radio and the tires sound funny".

Son, (holding up three finger) says,"how many fingers am I holding up?"

Me, "What, I said my ears are messed up not my eyes!"

Son, (still holding up his fingers yells at the top of his lungs) "HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP?"

Im still laughing!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
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So I was getting gas today..

And I saw a woman smoking while she was fueling. I'm sitting there in dismay when I look over at another pump and see two cops leaning against their car eating hotdogs.

I start giving them this look of "don't you see this? Are you going to do anything?" they seemed unconcerned.

Just as I look back to the woman, I see her arm had caught fire and she's freaking out, flaling her arm around trying to put it out. Suddenly the cops tackle her, putting out the fire and then they arrest her.

I asked them "well, why the hell are you arresting her for? Isn't getting burned bad enough? One of the cops just looked at me and said

"She was waving around a firearm! "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cresano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
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I had burnt my hand and was arrested

I was charged with unlawful possession of a firearm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiderKnight68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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A man at a petrol station. (Longish)

A man was a petrol station. He fills up his car but spills some on pertol his arm as he puts the pump away. He pays and leaves. As he drives away, he lights a cigarette and his arm on fire. He frantically waves his burning arm out the window and a police officer behind him pulls over and helps him put it out.

The man thanks him profusely. The officer says, "No problem but unfortunately I'll still have to charge you."

The man asks, "charge me? What for?"

The officer replies, "unregistered firearm."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigcammyward
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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A man is filling up his car with gas and accidentally gets some on his hand...

He doesn’t notice it and when he gets into his car, he lights a cigarette.

His arm instantly catches on fire.

The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around, attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve.

A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot...for an unlicensed firearm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
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A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas

A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas. She inserted the nozzle and began filling the car with gas. As she waited for the car to fill, she lit a cigarette and began to smoke it. The car clicked to indicate it was full of gas, and she pulled the filler out of the car. Some gas leaked out of the filler onto her sweater arm, and a spark from the cigarette lit her arm on fire. The woman began to scream for help, and waved her arm about trying to put the fire out. A highway patrolman who happened to be nearby ran over and saw the woman flailing about in pain. Without hesitation, he pulled his handgun out of the holster and shot her three times. A few weeks later in court, the judge asked the patrolman why on earth he shot that woman? The patrolman answers, "well your honor, she was waving around a firearm!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontdothisman66
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
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I saw an old lady catch on fire today while pumping gas...

When she removed the nozzle from the vehicle I guess some static electricity created a spark and started a fire near her gas cap. She tried to put it out, but her sleeve caught on fire. She started running around the store parking lot with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waiving a firearm in public.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/20yrstoomany
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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So a woman was smoking at the gas station the other day and her arm caught on fire

And while she was trying to put it out the police arrested her for "waving a firearm around."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shipless_Captain
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
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