I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks
I want to be a bouillonaire.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I can't tell you all Japanese history in one joke...
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Looks like I have all my ducks in a row
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︎ Nov 29 2020
In spite of all our disagreements on Reddit, Iβm glad about one thing.
Every one reading this is on the same page.
Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Where did Noah put all the beeβs in his Ark?
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︎ Sep 09 2020
I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS...
THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
A thief in a small town stole all the toilets...
Police issued a statement saying they had 'nothing to go on'
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︎ Dec 12 2020
For all the time they spend in a school, you'd think that fish are really smart.
But it turns out, they're all below C level.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Every machine in the coin factory broke down all of a sudden without explanation.
It just doesnβt make any cents.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...
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︎ Nov 28 2020
My girlfriend that I loved with all my heart left me while I was in the bathroom screaming with constipation.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Itβs only the second day of Hanukkah, and my wife already ate all of the chocolate in the house...
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︎ Dec 11 2020
My friend invests all his money in S&M paraphernalia...
Yep, he's invested in bonds.
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︎ Nov 30 2020
What do all new Reddit Accounts have in common with the new MacBook Air?
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Why did the kid wrap all his books in a blanket?
So that he could cover the entire syllabus.
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︎ Dec 13 2020
Instead of decorating my whole house this year, I decided to put all of my lights in my drinks cupboard instead..
We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright
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︎ Dec 11 2020
I'm at this party when all of a sudden this guy comes in and says "Hello I'm a builder."
I thought 'He knows how to make an entrance'.
But it turns out it was just a facade.
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︎ Dec 08 2020
A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.
I still think he was selling himself short.
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Keep in mind that given all of this year's events, Thanksgiving dinner can get heated
It can get re-heated the next day as well
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︎ Nov 19 2020
What happened to the men who smashed all the windows in their office building..
They're now facing a glass action lawsuit.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
What constant state are all Egyptians in?
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...
...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 350 aboard
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︎ Jan 15 2020
All the Indian bakeries in my town shut down because of Covid.
They fired all Naan essential staff.
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︎ Oct 08 2020
I was wondering what's taking them so long to count all the votes in Nevada
But I realized it's because their work is Neva Dan
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Letting you all know that I've volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials held here in Melbourne. I received my first shot at 9.00 am this morning
Itβs completely safe with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and im currently feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΟ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...
Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
My sister in law told me a time traveling joke I was gonna share with ya all..
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︎ Nov 12 2020
When I was in college, all the fraternities rejected me because I was circumcised.
You had to be a complete dick.
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Why were all the monsters in Monsters Inc. gay?
Because they all came out of closets.
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︎ Nov 09 2020
We all need some octopuns in our life
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︎ May 23 2020
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he wonβt do that.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
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︎ Oct 23 2020
All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together
At first itβs boring and then itβs Riveting!
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︎ Oct 07 2020
I was redoing the fence the other day, pulling all the 4x4s out and putting new ones in...
Sorry, just realized this was a repost.
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︎ Sep 26 2020
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized...
π︎ 13
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Iβm representing a man in court today charged with tippexing all the full stops out of books.
Iβm expecting a long sentence
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Did you hear about all the Bears getting sick in China?
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︎ Oct 30 2020
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, βAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I donβt know what to do!β Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...heβs really a big lyre.
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Once I was so dehydrated, I couldnβt even remember all the letters in the English alphabet.
I went ABCDEFG and then PQRSTUVWXYZ. I was missing H to O.
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︎ Oct 05 2020
I went to an art gallery and noticed that all the info was also available in braille.
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︎ Sep 03 2020
Where do all the comedians in Japan live?
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 12 2020
What's the appeal in being negative all the time?
This isn't a dad joke--I really want to no.
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︎ Oct 23 2020
What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?
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︎ May 04 2020
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