I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.

She thinks that I'm a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elasmotheriums
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Should I worry about those ice cubes I dropped?

Nah, it’s just water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/truthcopy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a friend who will even go for a walk with you in the rain to listen to your worries?

A rainbro

(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. You’ll see why)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasmyn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
In these challenging times, I worry about the virus and keeping a roof over my head.

So I went and got the shingles vaccine.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reedandsue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..

Auntie climb attic.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I often worry about German sausages

Basically I fear the wurst.

Edit: thanks for my first award ya loonies ;)

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant? (SFW don't worry)

Put them in water. If one floats, it's (a) boyant.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LocoEva-7139
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I never worry about how fat I am

They say good things come to those who weight

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/returntim
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I got in a car wreck and lost my left arm, but don’t worry...

I’m all right.

buh-dum-tsss

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: β€œNo, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed.

It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phenix_Flare
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
All this stress lately has me trying new things. For example, I've discovered that brake fluid is actually delicious. I'm up to a case a day, but there's no need to worry about me.

I can stop any time.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasonhackwith
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine

Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJonesy007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
NASA put a watch around a potted plant and sent it on a rocket to the sun. I said to my Daughter, "don't worry, it will be ok.."

"a watched pot never boils"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife says that I should worry about the brakes on my car instead of posting on Reddit

But I just can't stop.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Wheuss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't Santa Claus have to worry about catching COVID-19?

Because he has Santa-bodies.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeefEater81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do environmentalists worry about when they poo ?

Whether to save water or to save trees.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piyush3000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t worry if you’re tall or skinny or rich or poor. And the end of the day...

It’s night.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueVogueDino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers

They will all be Santatized

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't worry I can find the door myself
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBeansCar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I worry about this.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife, who's eight months pregnant, asked me if I worry that it's been too hot recently for our baby inside her. I reassured her...

β€œNah, it’s probably womb temperature!"

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't worry, everyone!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend asks if it is okay to park without paying. I told him, β€œdon’t worry.”

β€œYou’ll be fined.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzlover511
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to an arachnid that worries too much about everything?

Please, don't be so dramatick!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyanideShank1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The swordfish has few predators to worry about in the wild.

Except for the seldom seen penfish which is said to be even mightier.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My son cried when he lost his first girlfriend. I told him don't worry its not the end of the world

Just yours.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't worry, ...
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CLLFTVTV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Dont worry guys, this one isnt 18+

17

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caprastick
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Feeling overwhelmed? Don't worry!
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amandajag
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend sent me this (don’t worry I didn’t block her)
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aCkadoodledo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: your brain fell out during the accident but don't worry I put it back in

Me: thanks for reminding me

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A1B1D1U1L1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My Grandma was talking about the good old days and said β€œin my day we could leave the door unlocked and not worry about it!” and β€œwe grew up with nothing but we were happy”...

I replied β€œWell Grandma, I hate to break it to you, but you grew up with nothing because you kept leaving the door unlocked!”

πŸ‘︎ 421
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-howl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't worry, I'm fine after the sex operation

No hard feelings.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/within_kamath23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend sent me a text apologizing for the atrocious grammatical errors in his last message. I told him not to worry

I speak Atrocian

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haidukenshiruken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't worry if you didn't get to enjoy 4/20

Tomorrow is 4/22

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
You might be worried about overeating while you’re quarantined, but it’s better than risking the spread of disease. So don’t worry...

It will be worth the weight.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
You vs the curl he tells you not to worry about
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady-Squishy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
This is an ill eagle image. (Don't worry, he's much better now.)
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't worry about your smartphone or computer spying on you...

Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prodigalkal7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't worry the situation is under control
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomJackson90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
If you regret your vote in 2016, don't worry about it

Hindsight is 2020

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iplaymeinreallife
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
"Attention passengers: I'd like to personally welcome you to my first day as a railway conductor. Not to worry though, you're in very capable hands...

I've been training for this."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NThruThe0utdoor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Should I worry about those ice cubes I dropped?

Naw, it’s just water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/truthcopy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I called my parents and told them not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.

They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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