I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
Should I worry about those ice cubes I dropped?
Nah, it’s just water under the fridge.
What do you call a friend who will even go for a walk with you in the rain to listen to your worries?
A rainbro
(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. You’ll see why)
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."
“Those are just contractions.”
In these challenging times, I worry about the virus and keeping a roof over my head.
So I went and got the shingles vaccine.
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..
I often worry about German sausages
Basically I fear the wurst.
Edit: thanks for my first award ya loonies ;)
How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant? (SFW don't worry)
Put them in water. If one floats, it's (a) boyant.
I never worry about how fat I am
They say good things come to those who weight
I got in a car wreck and lost my left arm, but don’t worry...
I’m all right.
buh-dum-tsss
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed.
It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.
All this stress lately has me trying new things. For example, I've discovered that brake fluid is actually delicious. I'm up to a case a day, but there's no need to worry about me.
*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
NASA put a watch around a potted plant and sent it on a rocket to the sun. I said to my Daughter, "don't worry, it will be ok.."
"a watched pot never boils"
My wife says that I should worry about the brakes on my car instead of posting on Reddit
Why doesn't Santa Claus have to worry about catching COVID-19?
Because he has Santa-bodies.
What do environmentalists worry about when they poo ?
Whether to save water or to save trees.
Don’t worry if you’re tall or skinny or rich or poor. And the end of the day...
Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers
They will all be Santatized
Don't worry I can find the door myself
My wife, who's eight months pregnant, asked me if I worry that it's been too hot recently for our baby inside her. I reassured her...
“Nah, it’s probably womb temperature!"
My friend asks if it is okay to park without paying. I told him, “don’t worry.”
What do you say to an arachnid that worries too much about everything?
Please, don't be so dramatick!
The swordfish has few predators to worry about in the wild.
Except for the seldom seen penfish which is said to be even mightier.
My son cried when he lost his first girlfriend. I told him don't worry its not the end of the world
Dont worry guys, this one isnt 18+
Feeling overwhelmed? Don't worry!
My friend sent me this (don’t worry I didn’t block her)
Doctor: your brain fell out during the accident but don't worry I put it back in
Me: thanks for reminding me
My Grandma was talking about the good old days and said “in my day we could leave the door unlocked and not worry about it!” and “we grew up with nothing but we were happy”...
I replied “Well Grandma, I hate to break it to you, but you grew up with nothing because you kept leaving the door unlocked!”
Don't worry, I'm fine after the sex operation
A friend sent me a text apologizing for the atrocious grammatical errors in his last message. I told him not to worry
Don't worry if you didn't get to enjoy 4/20
You might be worried about overeating while you’re quarantined, but it’s better than risking the spread of disease. So don’t worry...
It will be worth the weight.
You vs the curl he tells you not to worry about
This is an ill eagle image. (Don't worry, he's much better now.)
Don't worry about your smartphone or computer spying on you...
Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years
Don't worry the situation is under control
If you regret your vote in 2016, don't worry about it
"Attention passengers: I'd like to personally welcome you to my first day as a railway conductor. Not to worry though, you're in very capable hands...
I've been training for this."
Should I worry about those ice cubes I dropped?
Naw, it’s just water under the fridge.
I called my parents and told them not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.
They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".
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