The lady at the vet: βwhatβs his name?β
Me: βThe shelter told me his name is Tobyβ
Her: βWell, what does he think his name is?β
Me: β........ Kunte Kinteβ
She didnβt get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.
All you can do is rome around
When tooth dirty.
For Spring Training!
The Dead Sea!
A reservation reservation reservation
They will both insist that you βpick a codβ
..She always had little patients.
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
She was afraid I'd leave a Mark.
It was a very cryptic message.
...He suffers from claustrophobia
Finally he cut it out.
I didnβt want to go, but eventually I caved.
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
Because it's tou-rist-ky
Four a'clock
I guess you can call him Burrrrr-rito
Turns out itβs just a communist plot.
..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
He says that it makes him feel more at home... on the range.
''bad reviews, only one star''they said.
..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.
It was quite the Plot Twist
Everyone knows a panda eats shoots and leaves.
I'm afraid she is addicted to crack.
"Doc, I haven't pooped in a week! Please help!"
Doc says sure, and writes him a prescription for a weeks worth of suppositories.
Man comes back the next day, "doc, I took the entire script last night, but nothing happened!"
The doc is shocked, as in his experience suppositories are very effective, and after taking a weeks worth he should have definitely had a BM. Oh well, the doc thinks, and gives him another weeks worth.
Guy comes back the next day. The doc says incredulously, "you've taken 2 weeks worth of suppositories in 2 days, and nothing happened?!?! What are you doing with them, eating them?!?!"
The man replies, "What'd you expect me to do with them, Shove 'em up my ass?!?!"
I don't know if this would normally be considered a dad joke, but it's my dad's favorite joke so I think it should count.
.. I've none atoll.
It's too high a price 'toupee.'
Don't worry--it's only tissue damage...
I told him they only do Caesar cuts.
We created our own joint account.
There is a lot that I want to accomplish in The Mean Time!!
Because he was out of alignment.
I told her that was quite coinciDENTAL.
His father was a Carpainter
Dora and Diego travel to the Pacific Northwest in the middle of winter. Suddenly they realise that there is a problem with their car, so they quickly pull into a nearby garage. The mechanic comes out and asks them "so what's wrong with your car?" Dora replies:
"Wiper no Wiping!!"
The graveyard people are just dying to go there
He was sailing for Indica
A woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Dawn referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache.' It worked... The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "That was wonderful..."
The husband says, "Don't move... I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not
The plot thickens.
She said sheβd Benin that part of the world before and she did not want Togo again. I was persistent about going so I left Sierra Alone.
