I told him they look oak-eh.
Unfortunately it was fully booked
Does this now make him Postpone Malone?
No time Toulouse
They asked me, "What's upstairs?" I replied," Unfortunately, stairs don't talk."
Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you can’t be buried there?
Me: What?? Why not?
Tour guide: Because you’re still alive!
My wife was mad about it, but I don't care! I was having Nunavut!
I couldn't afjord it.
.........Yup It's No Diggity. Instead No doubt.
I just read that Mariah Carey has been has been selected to play with Johnny Cash on his Resurrection Tour. There won't be an opening act, so it'll be only Cash n Carey.
Guess that makes him postponed Malone
Tour guide said “Hello, my name is Eileen.”
It’s gonna be the “whirlwind tour”
I’ll see myself out.
While I enjoyed it, I felt the trip had no Seoul.
I've been doing horrible in the current tour so I told him:
"I'm going to lose a few tiers after this tour"
Son - "You don't have to cry about it"
The entire process was quite puzzling.
I just wanted some swat stickers
But as the guide explained, it started making cents.
Was giving tours of various buildings at my university this morning, one of the rotations was our Nursing building.
A mom asked “Is this Nursing school harder to get into than others?”
Looking confused, I opened and closed the door a little bit before saying “Nah, the door’s not that heavy”
Literally all the dads laughed while the moms and their children collectively groaned.
-Because they have so many legs!
It’s a little bit funny...
...Thank you for visiting the two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter museum today; I hope you had a good time. Speaking of good times, check out the food court and gift shop before you leave.
Me: That's a Segway
It's my Czech-list
He remains adamant though.
It was one of those rare days at college where my friend Gerald and I had gotten out of class and we had nothing to do.
We decided to hop on a college tour just for fun and see what happens. I attempted to ask questions that would help the tour, but Gerald was asking very weird obvious joke questions.
We get to the chapel and Gerald asks “yeah, does this chapel have the necessary alter I need to make my many sacrifices?”
And then this dad next to me, living his daddest life, without missing a beat, turns to me and says: “The tuition is the sacrifice, am I right?”
It was insane
the persons name was richard
Rice, rice, baby
Donald wants to show off how he changed everything since Bill was president. he shows them all the golden oval office and wants to show Hillary his new situation room and leads her out leaving Bill and Melania alone. After a few minutes Donald and Hillary return to find Bill and Melania having sex on his desk. Hillary shouts "Bill how could you!?" Bill turns and says "Let's be honest this isn't the first time that you caught me having sex in the oval office. At least this time it's with the first lady."
I was in complete ore the whole time
It took a little Seoul searching, but he eventually found his way.
So the could roam Rome!
Thankfully no lives lost, but everyone dyed
Hippopautonomous
Once you've seen one, you've seen the mall.
They have recovered a set of stolen golf clubs and arrested one man. But they are still looking for the driver.
In the toilet, floating just above the water, was a ghostly poop. I was so terrified, I shrieked a long sustained note until, finally, the feces disappeared.
Luckily I was able to remember that you can kill boo turds with one's tone.
The tour would start "ride" on time
The tour guid told an offensive joke about pesos, so I started to leave. He said "stop that was not what I mint"
... the guide showed us all around the plantation and gave us the history of caster, granulated, confectioners, and pearl sugar. I asked the guide “how much brown sugar do you make?”. He replied “no we have nunna dem here sir”
“Why not? Are they harder to find?”
“Yes. Demerara”
A lot of people on bikes and drugs.
Backstory: I play in a small band that does a "tour" of southern Wisconsin every year. The bands name is the Petty Thieves. This is my first year with them, but every year they come up with a tour name and make nice t-shirts and material with the tour name on them. Last two tour names were "Sticky Fingers" and "Busted!" We are looking for something related to the band name. Something clever and crime related. If it has mild sexual innuendo, all the better, but not overtly obscene. Some tour names we came up with are: Five Finger Discount, Backdoor Tour, Snatching Kisses, Kissing Snatches, Robbing the Cradle, Something something Miss Demeanors, Spread 'em, Felonious Funk, Unlawful Entry, Rhymes against Humanity, etc...
If you have anything punny, please throw it out there. Top 3 upvoted names get reddit gold. If we use your tour name, I'l send you the tshirt. Thanks kind sirs!
