"I'm sorry," said the barman, "we don't serve time travellers."
A time traveller walks into a bar.
π︎ 839
π
︎ May 13 2020
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".
π︎ 45
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
The traveller
It was somewhere around the 6th century after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, an Anglish man was travelling through Normandy when he sees a local labouring the fields, and asks:
"Hello. What does it take to become a mercenary amongst your King's regiments?"
"Not that much - to be Frank."
"I see. I better give up then.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
I was going to have a relationship with a time traveller
But it was over before it began
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 14 2019
After looking at the galactic traveller's guide, I was shocked by our solar system's rating.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 11 2018
If a time traveller from the future carried some sausages with him as he travels,
Does he have a link to the past?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 03 2019
Iβm thinking of opening up a workshop for Romany travellers to express themselves through poetry
Itβll be called Gyp-Prose
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 06 2018
The suicidal traveller tried to hang himself from the Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, The leaning tower of Pisa. The police caught him took away his rope and sent him out of the continent. All he was heard saying is..
π︎ 22
π
︎ Sep 10 2015
Lockdown conversation travel puns
Me: You really cannot say when the lockdown will end, KENYA?
She: yeah, this SPAIN hurts
Me: stay home and be safe, whats the RUSSIA?
She: I am bored, VENICE this gonna end?
Me: At least your savings is DUBLIN right?
She: I give up, IRAN out of travel puns now
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 23 2020
An epic exchange of air travel puns in a group chat.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 30 2018
Why is Dark spelled with a βKβ and not a βCβ?
Because you canβt βCβ in the dark
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
How do rabbits travel?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
Was gonna tell you a time travelling joke but..
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
Just found out the royal family has to carry a βrefrigerator full of bloodβ with them when travelling abroad which sounds bad I know
But if the refrigerator wasnβt kept turned on, then that would be blood curdling
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
I always wondered how Wonder woman travelled from Themyscira to London in 1 day...
I then realized she's an amazon, so she gets next day shipping
π︎ 44
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
I took my boys to the traveling circus and told them to keep their focus on the biggest pole...
...because that's the center of a tent son.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arcticβ¦
But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
How to time travel.
Before you leave, take note of the time. When you arrive, take note of the time again. Now calculate the difference. Congratulations, you know how to time travel.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
I was gonna tell a time travel joke but you didnβt like it.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
You can travel to Alaska if you want...
but I wouldn't Anchorage it.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
I once traveled to the Middle East, and suddenly, someone threw a rock at me.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin.
I told him that's the last thing I need.
π︎ 111
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
A red blood cell was travelling through the bloodstream...
It bumped into another cell and screamed "Jesus Christ!!" God was not happy, he said "You should never use the Lords name in vein."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
What do you call it when a traveling student is checking out a girl in another country?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
Did you hear about the traveling psychic sportscaster?
Everywhere he went he was ESPN.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
If you spell the words βAbsolutely Nothingβ backwards, you get βGnihton Yletulosba,β which ironically means...
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
Hawaiin court over turns travel ban, says Muslims are welcome.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
In search of spiritual enlightenment, I travelled to India and encountered a mystic sage that worshipped flat bread and flat bread only.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
Cows that travel alone?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I wouldnβt say that flying is my favorite way to travel...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
Is this sub still active?
Haven't seen anyone post all year!
(Happy New Year from Australia everyone!)
π︎ 20k
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Why donβt people use bulls to travel?
Because they go when the stop light is red!
(Sorry if this was bad)
π︎ 47
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
Friend: βHowβs your job at the travel agency?β
Me: βTerrible. Iβm not going anywhereβ
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
Iβm traveling through England and will be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
Whenever I travel, I pack my underpants in a seperate bag
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
Why do white girls travel in odd number groups?
Cuz they literally canβt even
π︎ 35
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
Why do EMTs travel together?
Because they're pair-o-medics.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Why would Biden get rid of Trump's Muslim Travel Band ?
I didn't even get to hear them play live yet
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
After all my travel in 2020 was cancelled, I'm now facing the COVID reality that my Spring Break trip is not going to happen either. I just told my suitcases this sad fact...
...and now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
Traveling with my nine year old, and he observed that our gate in Hartford was A6, and our gate in Baltimore is B6. I respond that it's raining so hard we'll take a boat home...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
Did you hear Boba Fett was able to time travel?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
Do you know why Leopold II. doesn't travel to Africa anymore?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Have you heard of the new travel sized chocolate truffles?
Pocket Lindts...
Credit: Twitter
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchens where a brother is frying chipsβ¦
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jul 30 2017
The barman said "sorry, we don't serve time travellers"
Two time travellers walk into a bar
π︎ 41
π
︎ May 07 2019
The bar man told them "sorry we don't serve time travellers here"
Two time travellers walk into a bar...
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 21 2019
sorry, we do not serve time travellers here.....
a time traveller walks into a bar.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 25 2019
I was going to tell you a time traveling joke
π︎ 34
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
I was going to tell a time traveling joke
But you guys didn't like it.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
I was going to tell a time traveling joke...
But you didnβt like it.
π︎ 73
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin
I told him that's the last thing I need
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke......
....but you guys didn't like it.
π︎ 89
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
I was going to tell a time traveling joke...
But you guys didnβt like it
π︎ 26
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
