Inflict Puns

They should be greightful.

I made them from scratch

When he realized his mistake, he immediately called the police and confessed to all of the killings before laying down upon his death bed awaiting his own end, the same end that he had inflicted upon so many others. News media quickly came to the hospital and the killer was eventually asked two questions by two seperate reporters, one question following the other so quickly that he could not respond to the first before hearing the second. The first reporter asked, "How did the coffee taste that tipped you off into realizing you had poisoned yourself?" Where the second reporter blurted out, "How would you describe this situation where you have killed yourself by the very means you used to kill others?"

The murderous man only responded once before breathing his last breath:

"Irony," he replied.

His name starts with T, his wife's with S.

T: I'm done with this, do you want the rest?

S: Will you put it in the fridge for me?

T: I'm afraid it will go flat.

S: Well, just try it.

(Fridge opens, clinking noise)

T: Oh! Nope, it stayed round!

BONUS: he just sent me this picture.

It's really too bad he's not gonna have kids to inflict this on.

My soccer inflicted ingrown toenail has been giving me serious grief, exasperated by an infection. Swollen, purple and painful, my wife told me I needed to buy an expensive set of nail scissors and clippers to trimming down the offending nail.

I replied with "For toepiary?"

I think i must have failed in the telling of my 'dadjoke'. She did NOT roll her eyes but actually laughed!

I guess the journey is long in this game.