Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My honest opinion about the future design of the firefox logo

Less minimalism is more

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Komirade666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)

Teacher: β€œSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: β€œNow I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: β€œOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, β€œnow see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
A pun or two about magicians and their antics

Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?

Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.

P1: How so?

P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.

P1: You raise at interesting point.

P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?

P1: Yes

P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirZbear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Person 1: Thanks for introducing me to minimalism

Person 2: Its the least I can do

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees...

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the minimal force required to defend a graveyard?

A skeleton crew.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TaohRihze
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Why is the military so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees

πŸ‘︎ 788
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmarSB2001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
🚨︎ report
A collector of Feline pokΓ©mons was brought to the court..

He was charged with attempted robbery. Before giving out the sentence, the judge gave him an opportunity to present his case before the jury.

After his testimony the jury decided to give him minimal punishment, they all understood...

...that he had a lot of meowths to feed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hippity-potato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend: "Tried sending my dad a cool picture, this is his response."
πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2013
🚨︎ report
With Veteran's Day coming up, I asked my son if he knew why the army was so strict about their uniforms...

He didn't know, so I told him, "It's to minimize casual tees."

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm going to be sleeping on the sofa for this...

Wife was trying to feed our new born, and since it was via a C-section, the amount of milk being produced is minimal for the first week. Baby was cranky and some milk spilled and she got upset...

"Don't cry over spilled milk" - I said..

Also, told her I can now post the above to /r/dadjokes because I'm a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/duniyadnd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Healthcare Dad Joke from today

We use these red sliding sheets to help transfer patients from the operating table to their trolley (they're widely used in hospitals and care environments for various patient manual handling tasks). For those who are unfamiliar, it's basically a double layered, frictionless sheet you position under the patient in order (theoretically) to transfer them with minimal force and effort.

One particular colleague hates them, and today ranted:

"I would love to punch the guy who invented these and has probably made millions of pounds and retired"

To which someone immediately responded:

"I bet he's a right slippery character though".

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/machschau
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.