Because they take things literally
I mean, it's not hard.
But I love it when the sparks fly.
They're in a polyhammerous relationship.
Because they photosympathize.
After all, all conversations will end on a 10-4.
It’s about time...
I said whatever. It's what it's.
I really think Disney Villains are misunderstood. You have to respect how they pursue their passions. They usually have henchmen or “employees” so I’m guessing there’s a compensation system in place and they are managing a budget to fund all their evil campaigns. And what business model did they have to follow? Was there an Ursula before Ursula? I don’t think so. These villains are business visionaries and they deserve such respect.
...and right now, I literally Kant even.
He suddenly started talking in a Hyundai Accent.
- Dad jokes are not made to make you laugh they are only meant for dad(s)
- the louder the groan the better the joke.
- A pun and a dad joke ARE NOT THE SAME!!
- Having children gives you credibility not the right to tell dad jokes.
- Not all bad jokes are dad jokes but ALL dad jokes are bad jokes.
It's all becoming clear to me now
I'm away at university and my dad calls me up while I'm doing last minute homework:
Dad: What are you up to?
Me: Just finishing an essay about Dickens' Hard Times for class. I'm really busy, can I call you back in a couple hours?
Dad: Oh, that sounds like a hard time!
Me: (Sarcastically) Well it's not the MOST fun I've ever had.
Dad: (long pause followed by a sigh) Are you having a hard time with the joke?
Me: No, (chuckles) I get it dad... but I've got to go!
Dad: You sound like you're having a hard time.
Me: Dad, I got it.
Dad: (scoff) Ahhh, I'm just giving you a hard time!
Me: Dad.... I've got so much work to do.
Dad: I'll let you go then; glad to be of help during this hard time. Good luck on your essay! (hangs up)
Kleptomaniacs don’t really understand puns ... they take everything literally.
Mom(butting in): I think it's a Word processor...
Keep in mind English is my mom's second language and used to not understand puns or dry humor at all. I want to say I'm proud but I'm not sure that's how it works..
He said, "What do you mean by that?"
It's a total ripoff!
It's pointless.
I guess they just find them irrelephant.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
It just doesn’t add up.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?” I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
It is breathtaking.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
The Doctor told him it was a brief-case.
“No, it’s easy as 1,1,2, 3.”
Ah, who am I kidding?
He was shocked after i explained.
It had locomotives
Do You Hear What I Hear?
What’s Kesha done to deserve this?
That makes two of us
It's inconceivable.
My lieutenant said , fire in the hole and I fired In his hole .
Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Yes, and?
I said, "What are the chances"
She wasn't McEnany sense.
Now it’s a Ford Focus
Carrie underwood
Roxanne is a really good song.
Must be because it’s 5 pm.
I’m a faux pa.
Edit: This took off a lot better than I expected.
I feel like a father figure now.
Because they take things literally.
Because they take things literally.
They take everything literally
They always take things, literally.
It just doesn’t add up
It just doesn't add up
It just doesn’t add up.
