Time stretching Puns

"Fuck you,pear. You taste like shit."

Today for example. Me: “Tomorrow morning is going to rain.” Coworker: “What’s afternoon?” Me: “The time stretching from 12:01 to about 5pm.” Laughter ensued from the rest of the shop.

A buddy of mine and I went golfing the other day, and while we both were doing fairly well on the main stretch, his approach when using his 9 iron was always awful. I felt bad for him, so the next time we went golfing, I brought him some pills I thought would, give him some "help".

"What're these for?" he asked.

I replied, "for your Iron deficiency!"

"What's for supper?" I'd sometimes ask my dad when I was growing up. A big grin would stretch across his face. "My famous Italian dish," he'd say, still smiling, "Make-your-own-y." He must have used that joke 100 times. He laughed every time.