There Puns

..they make me feel even number.

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

Terrible king, but made a great ruler.

.. really only driven from time to time.

Many.

1. People who can count
2. People who can’t

But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.

Wife: Where?

Me: No, the regular kind.

Da brie was everywhere!

"Tell him I've already got one!"

That’s the punch line.

1. People who know binary
2. People who don't

I'm now dealing with emotional baggage

Because the parrots-eat-em-all.

No, he covered his tracks.

(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)

...I think they’re out of sink

But I don't know Y

...it’s sit.

People are showing up to the hospital eh-symptomatic

"For excessive drinking" the officer replies So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"

(Jersey accent) I don't know, Alaska.

It's a faux pa.

It's because they're still alive.

.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.

(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).

There's nothing left but de brie

An impasta

Because they’re all in AR-Kansas.

To sum it up, there’s a small medium at large.

It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!

Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage

Me: Because he’s out standing in his field.

Union some you lose some.

She sells, C cells by the seesaw.

They're very pious.

A few hours later the plane lands in japan. The dad looks at his son and says "okinawa here"

It was a cold war. Also a short war, with little casualties.

It lasted six months. The truce came after the elves realized they'd wasted the whole day fighting.

It has started to decimate the population since they aren't mating with the female lions. People are calling it the worst infestation of dandy-lions in history!

Terrible King, but a great ruler .

Those who can count and those who cannot.