The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
My career as a street fighter didn't last very long.
I broke my hand punching a curb.
An ice cream van crashed in the street today
The whole area is coned off.
Two pretzels walk down the street.
A child and his father are walking down the street when the child asks...
"Dad, what does being drunk feels like?"
"Well son, you see those four trees over there? If you were drunk, you'd see eight trees."
"Dad, there are only two trees."
I exercise by running up the street and knocking on all the doors....
I tried street racing once and lost.
I was out of breath after two blocks, but the street kept going for miles.
I dropped my PB&J sandwich on the street the other day.
I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if it had something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.
So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.
Did you hear that a judge has demanded Dr. Pimple Popper grab any person off the street and remove pus-filled sacs within their skin?
It's a seize and de-cyst order!
I was offered to have a street named after me, but I said no because I remembered
No one crosses me and lives
What do you call an ex pimp who lives on the streets?
What covid vaccine did Sagat from Street Fighter take?
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Sagat Tiger
I was driving my new Toyota down the street and some kid said 'sick car'
I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".
I was walking down the street and I heard someone saying hello in Arabic.
Turns out it was a false salaam.
A magician was walking down the street
Then he turned into a shop.
Yesterday I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar.
The prosthetics store down the street ran out of stock...
Things are really getting out of hand...
I said to my therapist that I feel a little paranoid with Back Street Boys, and he said...
A guy stopped me in the street the other day to ask why I was carrying a 9ft book.
I said "It's a long story".
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.
It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.
The wizard in my campaign just got handed a whole bunch of random, unlabeled Sesame Street videos.
He's going to learn how to count or spell.
I was asked who my favorite vampire is. I said “the muppet from Sesame Street”
They told me “he doesn’t count!”. I replied “I assure you he does”.
I was walking down the street and ran into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.
Two pretzels are walking down the street
When one is suddenly assaulted
Why do asteroids have good street smarts?
Because they have comet sense
A man is walking down the street
when he notices a hot, busty woman on the sidewalk. He approaches her and says, "I'll give you a thousand dollars if you let me bite your nipples." Naturally the woman was reluctant, but concluding that she really needed the money, she agreed. So they go into an alley, she lifts up her shirt and unhooks her bra. He proceeds to bury his face in her breasts, moving and shaking his head. After a full minute of this, she says, "Well? Aren't you going to bite them?" He walks away, saying, "Nah... that's too expensive."
What do you call a drunk person staggering along a street on their way home trying not to step on the cracks in the pavement?
A man is walking down the street holding a bag of pasta upside down...
And then the penne dropped.
I grew up on a street with a lot of friction
You could call it a rough neighborhood
Why did the tree cross the street?
They were opening a new branch on the other side
Saw this on the streets today. Thought it's quite amusing.
A cable repairman was on our street today and asked what time it is.
I told him it's between 8am and 1pm.
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing street names right off the posts.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
A magician was walking down the street, and then he turned into a grocery store.
It was quite the amazing trick.
When you visit Boston, what do the street magicians and fish wives have in common?
They will both insist that you “pick a cod”
What do you call a spicy green dish made on Sesame Street in India?
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k,256k, 512k and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.
A guy on my street holds the world record for most concussions
He only lives a stone's throw away
Why did Ken shrink his street fighting friend's blue box?
He heard you have to reduce Ryu's recycle.
A guy sees a pirate walking down the street with a steering wheel in his pants...
He yells, hey! Hey, pirate! There's a steering wheel in your pants! Pirate says, Aarr, I know! It's driving me nuts!
We need to be very careful about collapsing Wall Street so we don’t get crushed by Roof Street
Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
One day, two peanuts were walking down the street.
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