I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.

He was hauling adze!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Boyfriend is shaping up to be a great future dad.

Me, reminiscing about friends: "I just love my debate family so much."

His response: "Why? All you guys do is argue all the time."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QueenOfPerks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
🚨︎ report
I once told a girl that her body was shaped like a ketchup bottle.

She took it as a condiment.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avandoorslaer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
During my work presentation, I was asked why I struggle with shapes.

I said I would triangle back to that question later on.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calm_Fan_381
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
If you told me you were a U-shaped stringed instrument

Well, then I’d say you were a lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Well this one really grew pear shaped
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cohen19
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?

A tormato.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I am sooo out of shape...

Yesterday, I changed my mind twice and broke out in a sweat.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend found a custom pc case shaped like a boat.

I told her "I hope the USBs are portside"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwordOfCheese
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
In which James Bond film does he find out Earth isn't shaped like an egg?

The World is not an Oeuf

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eclecticr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Bought my wife a castle shaped abacus for her birthday...

It’s the fort that counts

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wavepoolsquad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?

Just look at that escargo.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
How does Judy from Zootopia stay in shape?

She does a lot of hare-obics!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutraliscool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How do witches stay in shape?

They do HEXERCISES

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I was arrested for having jello in the shape of a gun in my bag

The officers charged me for having a congealed weapon

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
When migrating birds fly in the shape of a V, do you know why one side is always longer than the other?

That side has more birds.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.

After the first three, it was a D-light.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alterom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My New Years resolution is to finally get in shape.

Round... possibly pear... I haven’t decided yet.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaymanRich
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
This summer when I dug potatoes from my garden, they all were shaped like a letter from the alphabet...

They were U-tubers.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Finally my winter fat has gone...

Now, I have spring rolls.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m in great shape except for my pudgy midsection.

It’s my core weakness.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
They tried to make a diamond shaped like a duck

But it quacked under pressure

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The Hills are Alive
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aris-Totally
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...

Michigan

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RontaukMonster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.

It's an equal Adderall triangle.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever wonder how spider makes a circle-shaped web perfectly?

Because it's sΟ€der we're talking about.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/obiwankedkenobi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't like rectangular shapes

i prefer triangle because they're kinda acute.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."

The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:

"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!

Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)

As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mosswyatt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,

but had to take them back as the seal was broken...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.

So we did it squid pro quo

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the horniest shape?

Erectangle

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I am trying to get in shape by running on my treadmill every morning

But I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thesaurususaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My home's ply was in a bad shape

I had to reply

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boat made of potatoes shaped like male genitalia?

A dictatorship

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegregslife
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Most of my friends don't know that I'm actually a shape-shifting Norse god of mayhem and mischief.

I keep it Loki.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought this dumb novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.

I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Animakitty
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Which kidney to take?
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steeltitan1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my Dad that my boyfriend has scoliosis.

He said he’s glad to know his backstory.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lorettarebelle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
They said constructing viagras office building to be shaped like a penis would be difficult

But I didn’t expect it to be that hard

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paradigm_Shiftz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the baker switch to dog shaped rolls?

He always wanted a purebred.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jzr171
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What animal is shaped like a square ?

A squarrel

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend found a custom pc case shaped like a boat.

I told her "I hope the USBs are portside"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SwordOfCheese
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
When geese are migrating they form a "V" shape, but do you know why one side is always longer than the other?

Because there are more geese on that side.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TempestWest
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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