I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Aug 25 2020
Boyfriend is shaping up to be a great future dad.
Me, reminiscing about friends: "I just love my debate family so much."
His response: "Why? All you guys do is argue all the time."
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Apr 27 2014
I once told a girl that her body was shaped like a ketchup bottle.
She took it as a condiment.
ποΈ 78
π
οΈ Mar 14 2021
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
ποΈ 3k
π
οΈ Mar 12 2021
During my work presentation, I was asked why I struggle with shapes.
I said I would triangle back to that question later on.
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Feb 28 2021
If you told me you were a U-shaped stringed instrument
Well, then Iβd say you were a lyre.
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Mar 15 2021
Well this one really grew pear shaped
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Feb 13 2021
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Jan 29 2021
I am sooo out of shape...
Yesterday, I changed my mind twice and broke out in a sweat.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Feb 26 2021
My friend found a custom pc case shaped like a boat.
I told her "I hope the USBs are portside"
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Feb 03 2021
In which James Bond film does he find out Earth isn't shaped like an egg?
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 20 2021
Bought my wife a castle shaped abacus for her birthday...
Itβs the fort that counts
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Feb 10 2021
Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?
Just look at that escargo.
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Jan 05 2021
How does Judy from Zootopia stay in shape?
She does a lot of hare-obics!
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Dec 29 2020
How do witches stay in shape?
ποΈ 19
π
οΈ Jan 01 2021
I was arrested for having jello in the shape of a gun in my bag
The officers charged me for having a congealed weapon
ποΈ 59
π
οΈ Dec 27 2020
When migrating birds fly in the shape of a V, do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
That side has more birds.
ποΈ 17
π
οΈ Jan 02 2021
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
ποΈ 48
π
οΈ Dec 10 2020
I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.
You can say I'm agnocchic.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Jan 01 2021
My New Years resolution is to finally get in shape.
Round... possibly pear... I havenβt decided yet.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Jan 02 2021
This summer when I dug potatoes from my garden, they all were shaped like a letter from the alphabet...
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jan 11 2021
Finally my winter fat has gone...
Now, I have spring rolls.
ποΈ 10k
π
οΈ Jan 24 2021
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ Jan 15 2021
Iβm in great shape except for my pudgy midsection.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Jan 06 2021
They tried to make a diamond shaped like a duck
But it quacked under pressure
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Dec 01 2020
The Hills are Alive
ποΈ 36
π
οΈ Mar 17 2021
When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Dec 09 2020
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.
It's an equal Adderall triangle.
ποΈ 31
π
οΈ Dec 01 2020
Ever wonder how spider makes a circle-shaped web perfectly?
Because it's sΟder we're talking about.
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Dec 10 2020
I don't like rectangular shapes
i prefer triangle because they're kinda acute.
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Nov 30 2020
While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."
The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:
"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Oct 18 2020
I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!
Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)
As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact Iβve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Oct 29 2020
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken...
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Nov 16 2020
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
ποΈ 27
π
οΈ Oct 19 2020
What is the horniest shape?
ποΈ 57
π
οΈ Aug 27 2020
I am trying to get in shape by running on my treadmill every morning
But I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere
ποΈ 71
π
οΈ Sep 04 2020
My home's ply was in a bad shape
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Nov 03 2020
What do you call a boat made of potatoes shaped like male genitalia?
ποΈ 102
π
οΈ Jul 26 2020
Most of my friends don't know that I'm actually a shape-shifting Norse god of mayhem and mischief.
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Oct 08 2020
I bought this dumb novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Oct 30 2020
Which kidney to take?
ποΈ 6k
π
οΈ Oct 05 2020
I told my Dad that my boyfriend has scoliosis.
He said heβs glad to know his backstory.
ποΈ 42
π
οΈ Feb 13 2021
They said constructing viagras office building to be shaped like a penis would be difficult
But I didnβt expect it to be that hard
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Jul 20 2020
Why did the baker switch to dog shaped rolls?
He always wanted a purebred.
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Jun 22 2020
What animal is shaped like a square ?
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Jul 23 2020
My friend found a custom pc case shaped like a boat.
I told her "I hope the USBs are portside"
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 03 2021
When geese are migrating they form a "V" shape, but do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
Because there are more geese on that side.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Dec 16 2020
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