After running it for nearly 30 years, my dad just sold our family owned Jewish deli.
I can't believe he gave up the lox, stocks and barrel.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
Can you imagine running into a Greek Gorgon?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 06 2021
Why do you never see people running in Jeans alone?
Because Jeans run in a family
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
This happened a while back, I was dropping my 7 year old school son to school. βSon, hurry up, weβre running late.β
Son: βno dad, weβre walking late.β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Is your refrigerator running?
I was hoping to vote for it.
π︎ 133
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
Goldilocks, running from the 3 bears, finds herself in a dead end with nothing but a bag of ice. Papa bear is Drunk and scary. What happens next?
A Goldy-smack with a cold sack in a cul de sac, which is more than a bear with beer could bare.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
What did one memory buffer say to the other memory buffer as it was running away...
.... cache me if you can.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
I told the cop, βYou canβt give me a ticket. Iβm running a marathon tomorrow.β
The cop said, βSir, thatβs not how you play the race card.β
π︎ 200
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
Why was the virgin always running?
Because she was being chaste!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
What did the man say to the judge after running over chickens at a playground?
βIn my defense, Your Honor, there were no signs of fowl playβ
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Advertisers for cream cheese are running schmear campaigns...
...and they should all be lox'd up for their capers.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
What do you call a running turkey?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
Itβs crazy, all these people running these virtual races, starting all over the place.
Where do we draw the line?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
What's the difference between Gordon Ramsay's favorite dish and a slow-running computer?
One is a rack of lamb, the other is a lack of RAM.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
Is your nose running?
If so, I might vote for it.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Hey, is your refrigerator running?
Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there"
I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."
My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.
EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
What did the herb farmer say when he was running behind schedule?
Weβre in a thyme crunch
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now Iβm their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Feb 07 2020
Is your refrigeator running?
Then you better catch it if you want your dinner!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
Is your computer running? Then you'd better catch it!
π︎ 29
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
Why arenβt there any running jokes about snakes?
Maybe because it doesnβt have legs.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
I am trying to get in shape by running on my treadmill every morning
But I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere
π︎ 68
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
Is your refrigerator running?
Because at this point Iβd vote for anyone other than who currently is...
π︎ 60
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
Guy gets pulled over for running a stop sign. He says to the cop βgive me a break man, I slowed down.β The cop starts beating on the guy and says...
βSo... do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?β
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
My bird nosedived straight into a running blender this morning...
All thatβs left is shredded tweet.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
What did the cheetah say when the gazelle started running away?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Why were the noodle strands running around?
They were looking for the impasta
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
If Time is Running Out for a Chinese App
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Don't Stand in front of a running car!
You'll get Tired!
Don't stand behind them either!
You'll get exhausted!
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
Thereβs a running joke around this town...
Hopefully someone catches it.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
Why did the Jedi get injured while running?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
A woman driving a minivan with 7 hyperactive kids gets pulled over for running a red light. The cop says βDonβt you know when to stop?β The woman says...
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
Why does the minute hate running marathons?
No matter how fast it runs, it's always 60 second...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
Our local cult just started praying for a reservoir to be created on the river running through their compound
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
What did the tomato say when running late
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other βwe missed the bus!!β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
Look, heβs sleep running!
Man, he sure is fast asleep.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
How do you call a runner when he is running from a cannibal?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
Is your refrigerator running?
Because at this point, itβs got my vote.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
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