Happy St.Patty's, Punsters!
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RHamm7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A cannibal in Northern Germany is arrested while grilling beef patties.

He is accused of eating both hamburgers and Hamburgers.

πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Those patties made of chickpeas and spices are supposed to be healthy.

But whenever I make them I felafel.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mkrjoe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
So I heard that due to Coronavirus, Ireland is cancelling St. Patty's celebrations...

They're trying to stop the infection from Dublin.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leparr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if he could fry some potatoes, flour, and egg in a shallow patty for me...

He said that's a latke ask for!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ptshoink
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the McDonalds US patty say to the McDonalds UK patty?

I’m a HAMerican.

(Yes I know it sounds dumb but I get a laugh out of it sometimes because of how dumb it is.)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ABritishRedditor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
We are standing at Depoe Bay, Oregon watching the whales. I point at a bird (ironically), β€œlook Patty, a seagull!” My wife replies, β€œno, it’s a bagel.” β€œWhy is it a bagel?” β€œBecause it’s over the BAY!” That’s pretty funny, but...

The thing is she didn’t just make up this joke, but this is the first time I’ve heard it. We’ve been married for 18 years. That means that she’s been waiting for 18 years until we were near the ocean, at a bay, waiting for a seagull to fly over. The dad joke is above average, but statistically speaking, she has my respect 100%.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MahonriWY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Tic Tacs are introduced to peppermint patties?

Mints meet.

(credit to my actual dad for this joke)

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeaccount
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the Veggie Patty refuse to cross the road?

To prove it wasn't chicken.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GracefulSlumber
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?

Paddy O’furniture

πŸ‘︎ 643
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a cow introduce his wife?

Guys, meet Patty.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the hamburger name it's baby?

Patty.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?

Meat Patty.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irish man who stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture.

Have a Happy St. Paddy's Day and stay safe!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RevJoeHRSOB
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Whattdya call a bullet proof Irishman ??????

Rick O'Shea !!!!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bythewater9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend?

Meet Patty.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iTzbr00tal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I am a butcher and my wife doesn’t like me introducing her to people

Especially when I say Meet Patty

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?

I said β€œIt’s pasture bedtime”.

πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a coworker ask "How many burgers does a cow make?"

I look him dead in the eyes and reply, stonefaced

"None. Thier hooves can't form patties."

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Epic_Mustache
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s Irish and stays out all summer?

Patty O’Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 324
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/perpetualbarista
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a commander in Mcdonalds army?

A patty officer

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prophet-five
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was cooking burgers with my friend Nicky when I flipped one up high and hit him with it, just below the chin...

It was a Nick neck patty whack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prexzan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Most definitely stolen and a repost but sharing anyway. imgur.com/28438Sk
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Phoenix95
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
🚨︎ report
A frog walks into a bank for a loan.

All he has for collateral is a ceramic statue. The loan officer, Patty Black, is unsure of what to do so she consults with her supervisor; "Oh fine", he says. "It's a knick knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan."

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Remo1975
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my dad asked me if I could help him build his paver patio. He said if I couldn’t help, he would ask an Irish guy he knows.

Patty O’Paver.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Kids, I'm telling you, burgers are ALWAYS female, and I'll prove it to you

let me introduce you to my burger... *drumroll*

Meet patty

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What is Irish and sits in the back yard?

Patty O'Furniture..

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lavacadotoast
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hconfiance
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meat Patty!

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheesebandit0813
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How Does a Hamburger Introduce His Wife?

Meat Patty

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a butcher introduce his wife?

Everybody, Meat Patty!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LykoStudios
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?

Meet Patty

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How dit the butcher introduce his wife?

Meat Patty

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Koevoet91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A Frog Walks into a Bank

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
"KermitΒ Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
"Sure, how about this," said Kermit as he produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
Patty walks into the manager's office and proceeds to tell her, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $50,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." Patty holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/josephlied
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chappo_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a hamburger introduce his wife?

Meet patty

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BasementTenant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a butcher introduce his wife?

Meat Patty.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the butcher introduce his girlfriend?

"Meat Patty"

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firefighterbard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?

Patty O’Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/britterzl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What's Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaystibelman
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O’Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 789
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrspencernorth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.