I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their moustache, and suddenly...
She isn’t your friend anymore.
Why should you never offer gross food to a Russian?
I’m thinking about becoming a proctologist who offers advice regarding people’s butts.
Anything I can rectum mend?
A blind man was handed a job offer but he denied it.
He said he isn't looking forward to work with them.
My coworker brought some vegetables to snack on during work, and he didn’t offer me any
It’s like he didn’t even carrot all
Just got a job offer at a thyme factory
What do you call a senior-ranked military officer who offers nuggets of factual wisdom?
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
If a guy ever offers to give you a Cocker Spaniel ...
...I suggest you just take the Spaniel.
I've got a great offer on Pritt Stick for celiacs...
Buy nine glues, get gluten free...
What should you do if Russia's president offers you tea?
Never drink it. You never know what he putin there.
"We're here to offer support, not to grill you," they said at my review meeting.
"Like a bra, not a braai"
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Based on true events. I had to stop myself from blurting that out.
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Thanks to u/rumbustiousben for reminding me that not everyone knows what a braai is - it's a barbecue in Afrikaans and commonly used as part of English by South Africans
College offers some questionable class choices, but o you know which one is the most sketchy?
Art class: Pencil Drawing 101
In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...
Why did Samus reject the offer?
It didn’t match her Crateria.
The local seniors care home rejected my offer to speak to residents about the advantages of being young in far-eastern countries...
apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.
A man just made me an offer to buy speakers with no volume controls.
"What can you offer this restaraunt as the new food runner?"
"Well, I bring a lot to the table for starters.
Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. I’m MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.
Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.
What do you call it when you offer calamari for a favor?
Why did the fungi farmer turn down the job offer at a new farm with higher pay?
There wasn't mush-room to grow there.
A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes.
Man: “For my first wish I'd like to be rich."
Genie: “Alright Rich, what's your second wish".
What does the Mandalorian say when he offers you a protein drink?
What does Batman say when the waiter offers him water at a restaurant?
What do you say when someone offers you a seat?
Thanks for your chair-ity
You should see the face of the credit card salesman after I turned down all his offers...
The doctor's price for my vasectomy was a bit steep for me, but my offer was too low for him.
In the end we split the deferens.
I just bought a case of dynamite. It was an offer I couldn't re-fuse.
Update: Wow, I really didn't expect this to blow up
I once got a job offer to work at a tennis sporting goods store.
But it was just a racket. 😞
I heard SEGA received an offer to collaborate with Square Enix for a new Sonic RPG, but turned them down
The workplace was a No-Fly Zone.
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offer to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
My son and I went to a new Vietnamese restaurant that offers herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup. When they brought our order, I said…
"Look, thyme fries when you’re having pho!"
How do you offer a dinosaur something to drink?
What do you say when someone offers you a hot dog, but you don't want it?
No Franks
EDIT: Wow! Thanks guys! One thousand up-votes is crazy for my first submission on reddit. My dad told me this joke while we were grocery shopping.
I once thought I had so much to offer that I thought about becoming...
I just accepted a job offer at a dairy company
My dad sent me 3 texts
It appears that you are mooooooving on.
I hope you milk all you can out of this experience.
Cow are you feeling about this job change?
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He just couldn’t see himself doing it
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Why did the invisible man reject the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He really couldn’t see himself doing it.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it!
Invisible Man Job Offer
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
Because he couldn’t see himself doing it
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldnt see himself doing it.
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