Part of me thinks cognitive dissonance can be a useful coping mechanism
... but another part of me disagrees.
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︎ Apr 13 2020
My teacher is giving a lecture on the mechanisms of drilling
So far, I find it very boring
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︎ Dec 28 2019
What do you call 5 cents in a water transport mechanism?
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 30 2018
I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.
Guess they needed an emergency service.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Why are KKK members terrible car mechanics?
They never check under the hood.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?
He woke up oily in the morning
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︎ Dec 23 2020
What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
What do you call a Turkish car mechanic?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions
Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.
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︎ Oct 06 2020
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
A small boy went to sex ed class and then asked his father
is this a dad joke?
No, son, its not. he replied. Can we stop it with all the sex jokes please? they aren't dad jokes and probably belong in plain old /r/jokes.
Sorry for the anti joke here, but its really getting old.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.
And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
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︎ Aug 26 2020
The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator
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︎ Aug 30 2020
Someone recently came back from surgery after an accident with their eye. They got a new eye and a mechanical cover that can shine light while covering the eye
The doctors called it eyeLEDs
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︎ Sep 17 2020
My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.
Now I know I'm getting some wear.
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︎ Sep 10 2020
I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...
But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good
π︎ 11
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︎ Jun 12 2020
My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with my...
π︎ 102
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︎ Feb 16 2020
I asked my mechanic why everyone made fun of what was on my wheel
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 06 2020
What fish makes the best mechanic?
TunerFish!
My son came up with that one yesterday, future smart ass dad in training.
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︎ Jul 15 2020
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, βDo you have any idea why my car is humming?β
He replied, βProbably because it doesnβt know all the lyrics.β
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︎ Jul 12 2020
The first animal to be mechanically milked must've been pumped.
I know it's an old joke, I'm just milking it dry. I just think its dairy funny.
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︎ Mar 27 2020
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no thatβs just ice cream.
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︎ Apr 28 2020
I like the uniform mechanics wear...
π︎ 4
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︎ May 31 2020
What is a mechanic's wet dream
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 01 2020
I lost my pizza cutter so I had to use a Bryan Adams CD instead
In case anyone is wondering it cuts like a knife
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Did you hear about the mechanic that got addicted to drinking brake fluid?
He said he could stop any time he wants.
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︎ Dec 30 2019
I took my car to the shop today because my tire was making a whistling noise
Mechanic: sounds like a flat
Me: actually sounds more like an F-sharp to me
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 10 2020
How do you call a group of mechanics?
Carmen. I'll show myself out.
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 21 2019
Worst movie title idea - Temporal Mechanics:
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︎ Oct 29 2019
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didnβt see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tireβd.
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︎ Oct 06 2019
What does a mechanic do after a one night stand?
π︎ 171
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︎ Oct 20 2018
An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...
It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 28 2019
Queentum mechanics.
π︎ 54
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︎ Jan 05 2019
What does a mechanical frog say?
π︎ 11
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︎ Jul 30 2019
I just picked up my car from the mechanic...
Iβd love to say they did a good job, but it feels like itβs really braking.
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︎ Aug 14 2019
I saw a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a car
π︎ 54
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︎ Mar 23 2019
A baby born now, in 2033, will be a...
Quaran-teen
Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart
http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN
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︎ Jun 19 2020
My father, the elevator mechanic
My father has been working as an elevator mechanic most of his life. Whenever people ask him how work is going he says "It has its ups and downs"
Hes been making this joke for 27 years
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π
︎ Oct 09 2014
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
He picked up a wheel and spoke π
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︎ Jun 26 2019
Understanding Quantum Mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
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︎ Aug 27 2018
Why do dad jokes about quantum mechanics never work?
You cant know if theres a punch line or a punch wave
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︎ Apr 14 2019
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Aug 26 2019
How did the mechanical frog greet his friends?
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 01 2019
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