Had a strong opener at the time but now it’s two week
“Can we chat now or “Samantha” time? “
Btw .. this is my true story
They pared up nicely.
There was mootual destruction
In fact, there is still no e-quill.
And I asked her how she liked her job.
Her (paraphrased) reply: "I love it, what's great about working with numbers is that there's always a right answer."
Me: "I love it when everything adds up."
And she got a tat too
....but a whole box to start a camp fire.
The match.
One won one, and one won two.
They throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Every time the ball was delivered the Umpire struck back.
For example I have a 9 inch penis and she doesn't know which way round to hold a ruler.
Set man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
I tick all the right boxes.
It was a lovely service...
I searched for lighters but ti only came up whith 14,852 matches
It showed 3,654 matches instead!!!
He had a vicious right hook.
Initialicing
They 8-2 much
Use a lighter
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 18,346 matches.
Nunchucks.
They needed to bring on the Sub early.
He said," Streamed? Why not rivered?"
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
I said, well, they do have the same genes.
But it turned out not all of them were mediums
Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?
Gingersnap
Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?
Snickerdoodle
Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?
Shortbread
Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?
Angel food
Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?
Peach cobbler
Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?
Baked Alaska
Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?
German chocolate
Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?
Lemon bars
Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?
Fondant
Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?
Sherbet
I went on it the other day looking for lighters and it just came up with thousands of matches.
Is it with a match made in Heaven ?
I tried to look up lighters and all they had were 13,570 matches
