And she got a tat too
I said, well, they do have the same genes.
But it turned out not all of them were mediums
They’re all first responders.
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
My sister and I were talking about getting matching tattoos, and she mentions that she's going to get a matching tattoo of a black cat with her friend.
Sister: "You can get a cat, too." Me: "I would love a cattoo!"
Sighs and groans ensued.
I got to match all of the socks with my wife watching last night, because she hates that job with a passion.
Wife: And that's why I like colored socks. The matches are easy to see.
Me: I think they prefer the term African American socks.
Wife: I am going to stab you in your sleep. You are an idiot.
Me: I know
Wife: When you are done with the white socks, help me with the kids colored socks.
Me: I told you they prefer the term African American socks.
Wife: Why did I marry you?
I was only dressed to the nines.
You could say that it was "meat" cute.
....but a whole box to start a camp fire.
The match.
One won one, and one won two.
Had a strong opener at the time but now it’s two week
They throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Every time the ball was delivered the Umpire struck back.
For example I have a 9 inch penis and she doesn't know which way round to hold a ruler.
Set man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
I tick all the right boxes.
It was a lovely service...
I searched for lighters but ti only came up whith 14,852 matches
Confused, another redditor asked “What kind of match was that?” Cranium replied “No match for her apparently”
Hey guys! I am getitng a puppy in a few months and her name is supposed to be Zoe. However since she is pure golden retriever because of some laws her full name has to to be “Give me your ‘name’” and I want it to be some kind of pun containing the word “Zoe” since that what she’s gonna be called like Zoedorable but something that matches the sentence and I though that maybe you guys can help.
They are having a boxing match.
He had a vicious right hook.
Initialicing
It showed 3,654 matches instead!!!
“Can we chat now or “Samantha” time? “
Btw .. this is my true story
They 8-2 much
Use a lighter
Nunchucks.
They needed to bring on the Sub early.
He said," Streamed? Why not rivered?"
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
I thought this was so great that I made matching labels for the Tapth and the Thoap.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 18,346 matches.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had were 13,570 matches
