What do you call Mark Zuckerberg in a bikini?
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︎ Mar 21 2021
Just saw Mark Knopfler walking down the Road...
He was carrying a 19th century French masterpiece under his arm and a cage with 2 baby birds in his hand.
I asked how much they were and he said, "I got my Monet for nothing and the Chicks for free".
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︎ Mar 11 2021
Watermarky Mark.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Today marks the 77th anniversary that my grandfather was responsible for bringing down 4 German bombers in one day during the war
He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had
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︎ Mar 02 2021
I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary.
I said, βMark, my words!β
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life
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︎ Jan 10 2021
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks βWhat are you counting?β
And the guy says βhow many tattoos I have nowβ
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︎ Jan 19 2021
"You just mark my words"
I said to the English teacher.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
If Mark has been accused of plagiarizing my content; Mark!? My words.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Why is Mark Zuckerberg better than Tim Cook?
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Thatβs gonna leave a mark...
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︎ Oct 08 2020
Just a hare off the mark
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︎ Feb 25 2020
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears...
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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︎ Apr 18 2020
He has a one track mind. Mark Twain is his father.
His name is.....
Choo choo Twain!
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Oh hi mark
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︎ Dec 31 2019
My grandpa used to have a job keeping score at baseball games. Every time someone scored a run, he'd whack up a mark on a chalkboard.
Nowadays you'd call him a scorekeeper, but back then he was a tally whacker.
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Where did the question mark go
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︎ Sep 17 2020
I know a lady who means well, but is very annoying telling people how to mark their trails...
Sheβs a caring cairn Karen.
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Today my daughter asked "Can I have a book mark?"
I couldn't help but cry... She is 14 and still doesn't know my name is John.
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︎ Aug 18 2020
Mark Zuckerburg failed his Turing Test today.
He doesn't know how to feel about it.
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︎ Aug 12 2020
Where do pirates put the French accent mark cedilla?
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︎ Jun 19 2020
"Mark my wordsβ" said the pen...
... but the scissors cut him off.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
If Mark Wahlberg married into the old French aristocracy...
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︎ Jul 07 2020
My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....
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︎ May 29 2020
Today my son typed "Can I have a book mark?"
I burst into tears. "Billy, please stop reposting the same joke for karma, everyone will hate you."
"Then give me the damn bookmark."
I gave him the bookmark.
He finally won.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
I was the top student in my class until my teacher gave me very low marks.
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︎ Jun 12 2020
Did you hear about the apocalyptic punctuation mark?
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︎ Jun 23 2020
Working titles for Mark Twain's biography
Somebody please write Mark Twain's biography and please title it either "Making a Mark" or "Unraveling Twain" I don't care which.
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︎ Feb 29 2020
My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.
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︎ Jun 07 2020
What did the author say to his friend Mark who plagiarized him?
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
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︎ Apr 25 2017
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life
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︎ Jan 10 2021
I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary
I said, βMark, my words!β
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︎ Jul 29 2020
I confronted my friend Mark because he refuses to return my dictionary.
I said, βMark, my words!β
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Oh hi Mark
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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︎ Sep 20 2020
My son Tiberius just came up to me and said "can I have a book Mark?"
....and I burst into tears π€£. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Memphis.
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︎ Oct 03 2020
I was really mad at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary.
I said, βMark, my words!β
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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︎ Nov 24 2018
Today my son asked βCan I have a book mark?β And I burst into tears. 15 years and he still doesnβt know my names Brian.
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︎ Apr 08 2020
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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︎ Oct 07 2019
Today my son asked "can i have a book mark?" I burst into tears.
He is 11 years old and still doesn't know my name is Brian
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︎ May 23 2020
Today, my son asked "Can i have a book mark?" And i burst into tears
11 years old and he still doesnt know my name is Brian
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︎ Apr 12 2020
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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︎ Oct 12 2019
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