I'm sick and tired of people coming into my house, trying to sell me books, and then just marching out and leaving the door wide open.

Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatProtomolecule
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a line of rabbits marching backward?

A receding hare line

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Columbia University Marching Band shuts itself down.

Yes, they Dis-Banded.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NewArborist64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A prisoner joined a convent and wanted to be a part of their marching band. What instrument did she decide to play?

It's a conundrum!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A lieutenant of a marching band had lost his piccolo, he went to a music instrument-store and asked for a piccolo

The store keeper said that they ran out of stock of piccolos but he could rent out a flute, the lieutenant agreed promptly.

After the performance the lieutenant came back to the store to return the flute. The store keeper asked if he was the flute tenant

No I am the lieutenant

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/minecraftkoolkidz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the nickname of the military officers who are in charge of the military's marching band?

The top brass.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a marching band use to keep their teeth clean?

A tuba toothpaste.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/C0ntrol_Group
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I play the marching bass drum. (xpost from /r/drumline)
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cschmittiey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Yesterday before marching a parade.

A member of my section drops their trombone and says: "Today is really getting off on the right foot."

Me: "No you start on your left."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JonArc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Saw a marching band today and wondered...

Do marching band performers describe rehearsal as a normal, hum"drum" activity?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CronoZero15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad got me at my sister's marching band festival.

My younger sister, who is in my high school marching band, was in a band festival/competition earlier tonight. As they were doing the awards, there was a particular high school, named Marion Senior High School.

The announcer says the school's name in an award, and my dad said, "I wouldn't want to do that." I say, confused, "Do what?" He replies, "Marry in senior high school. That's just a bad idea."

Cue collective groan/laughs from me and my mom, while my dad is giddily laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BennyJames
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
🚨︎ report
The man stood up after a rousing speech, took a bow and marched out triumphantly.

He was protesting against violins in schools.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bttrflyr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What did may say to March after being accused

Ju-ly

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Can February March

No but April May

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/idkqwerty1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
March first
πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NiesomVysoky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Today is the day I can post it
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ogkerung
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Taken today, March 15th imgur.com/qWpjVgJ
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesdp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Happy Parade Day! March Fourth!
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coquitam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I make podiums. So I always save my most special podium for March 20th...

It's the first dais of Spring!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
March Madness from my 3 year old

How did you know the basketball game was in trouble?

Because it was in timeout!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dtfan53
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Commemorating a late Ides of March

Was Julius Cesar the first Holey Roman emperor?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Today is the Ides of March, when Caesar was famously assassinated. But what most people don't know is that he wasn't stabbed, but poisoned, by Hemlock leaves in his salad - hence the name "Caesar's Salad." When Brutus asked how many Hemlock leaves Caesar ingested, Caesar said:

Ate two, Brute.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What follows March 1st?

March: 2, 3, 4!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonnyabcde
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What song do you sing when you step on ants?

Dead ant, dead ant. Dead ant dead ant dead ant, dead ant dead annnnttt, dead-ant-dead-ant-dead-ant

(Tune of Pink panther theme)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I ordered a Caesar salad from the restaurant for lunch today.

They absolutely killed it.

πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zion2199
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
March 1st
πŸ‘︎ 191
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TechnoIsHere
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read a story about songs in history and the pitches in which they were sung

For example a march to battle was sung around middle D, Georgian chants were sung in low to middle G, it seems that most if not all pirate chants were sung on the high C’s

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SalaMOnkaDo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s a foot’s favorite month?

What’s a foot’s favorite month? March

My six-year-old son made that up.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonclarkX1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A man asks a woman: "when is your birthday?". To which the girl replies: "March 1st"

Man : *immediately starts marching around the room and says "so can you tell me now?"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkKray35
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Just some puns

1: I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea. 2: Can February March? No, but April May. 3: I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 4: Never trust an atom, they make up everything! 5: Β I made a pun about the wind but it blows. 6: I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off! 7: What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee! 8: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink! 9: I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ricardo_my_man
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the one month all soldiers hate?

March!

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KermitDFwog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Cinderella go extra crazy with her spring cleaning?

She has March Madness

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wushock4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Why were the ants enthusiastic about next month?

They had to MARCH into April.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
It's hard to believe March 12th is already National Pancake Day!

It really crΓͺped up on us this year didn't it!

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaymantheLegend
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s and Army general’s favorite day of the year?

MARCH FOURTH!

Happy March 4th everyone.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A starving tribe marched their way to the desert to get food

because of the sand which is there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoastingNoodles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I do what I hear.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/recoro06
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:

See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked a friend when's her birthday. She told me: 'March 1st'.

So I started marching and asked her again.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wendru
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
He is right there...
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eucliditorian
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call 100 rabbits in a single file line marching backwards?

A receding hare line.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Can February march?

No, but April may.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Can February March?

No, but April May

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_ivy_ally
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Can February March?

No, but April May.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Can February March?

No, but April May.

πŸ‘︎ 237
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Can February March?

No but April May

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Can February March?

No, but April May!

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_SarcasticEditor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Can February March ?

No but April May

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moe87b
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Can February march?

No, but April may

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kunalbee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
March 30th is world bipolar day

I don’t know how I feel about this

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eggy298298
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What day does a soldier hate?

March 4^th !

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Newbosterone
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I know what I have to do today.

I must march fourth.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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