How do people lose their kids in the mall ?
Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated.
An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?
“Will my son able to speak again?”
I was watching my son play a Zelda game and I told him it's more effective to lose your health during the summer and winter seasons. He looked at me all confused and asked why? I told him it's because...
that way you won't take any fall damage.
Why did someone lose their job at the Pixar cinema?
I don’t understand why I can't lose weight.
I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
What part of the body always loses?
For most people when you lose your 'khakis', you have lost your pants.
But, when you're from Boston and you lose your 'khakis', you can't start your car.
This pun made me lose my mind
How come the Hulk doesn’t lose his pants when he transforms?
The scientific experiments altered his jeans
What does a dead person do to lose weight?
Winners never lose.
That's why I haven't lost my virginity.
I have to make dad jokes or I could lose my dad license. It's a thing called D-Law. If you're caught being a dad without a license? Well...
I’m starting to lose trust in the cross eyed girl I’m dating.
I think she’s seeing other people on the side.
You should avoid beef when trying to lose weight
Birmingham (UK) man loses job after 45 years at company
A Brummie was made redundant after working for the same company for 45 years. He quickly gets an interview with one of his ex companies rivals. His friends advise him that he should wear a suit and tie to the interview to try and make a good impression, unfortunately the interview is the same day and his only suit he has is the one he wore to his original interview in 1975.
He quickly gets dressed in his brown suit, complete with flares, wide lapels and a kipper tie.
He made quite the impression on his entrance and when the interviewer invited him into his office, he said "nice kipper tie" to which he replied " milk and 2 sugars please"
Why did the rooster lose the fight?
Because he was way too cocky.
Why do hippos always lose arguments in the savannah ?
Because what they say is mostly irrelephant
What do you call it when a grain of sand loses its trane of thought?
What does a squirrel do when it loses its mind
What Ernest Hemingway novel sees Harry Morgan lose an arm?
Why do astronomers always try to lose?
They’re only interested in the constellation prize.
If a pig loses it's voice...
Is it disgruntled?
I'll leave now...
I hope I never lose my hearing.
It would be ear replaceable.
It's important to lose closely at lawn signs during election campaigns....
Last time I cast my vote for a real estate agent.
Don't argue with cacti. You'll lose.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
If I ever lose my leg in an accident, don’t think I’m lining up a proposal
I’m just always down on one knee
You know you’ve made a terrible joke when you make the math teacher completely lose it.
Teacher: “If acceleration is constant, we get all these really nice formulas. If acceleration is not constant, the math gets messy.”
Me: “You might say that for ruining the math, it’s being a jerk.”
How did Trump lose his followers?
I was on a game show and the final question was "What do you call a 3D painting made out of plaster?" I couldn't think of the answer and I was worried I'd lose all of the money. Then I got it right!
Why did the bacteria lose its job in retail?
Because it only had one cell
Why did President Trump lose the golf tournament?
All his mini strokes put him above par.
In life you gain some, you lose some. Can't have it all.
Like, you gain inheritance, you lose your dad.
How did the rocket lose his job?
Did you know you start out with four kidneys, but lose two of them growing up?
They turn into adult knees.
Be easy guys this is my first semi original dad joke.
When firefighters lose their jobs, are they fired or given the axe?
What is a magician called when he loses magic?
After getting a lot of negative reviews due to their rather poor string section, the LAPD Police Band decided to lose all the strings from their performances.
It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.
Where does a lizard go when it loses its tail ?
What part of the body always loses?
What part of the body loses the most?
What part of the body always loses?
How do people lose their kids in a mall?
Seriously, any tips are welcome.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
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