I invented a bouncing platform to help obese hobos lose weight.

I call it a Tramp o' Lean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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I don’t understand why I can't lose weight.

I thought dieting was a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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What does a dead person do to lose weight?

He goes on a DIE-et!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
You should avoid beef when trying to lose weight

Too many cowlories.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shade168
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to jump rope to lose weight

But I always end up skipping it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmpireStrikes1st
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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I’m not saying I need to lose weight, but

last week I jumped in the air and got stuck.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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How did the book lose weight?

It got its appendix removed.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_nyonga
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I keep trying to lose weight

but it keeps finding me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when a weightlifter loses weight?

He becomes a lifter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigreye007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear beer can make you lose weight?

It made bud light

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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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I’d like to lose some weight but I’ve got too much on my plate.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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How did the Programmer lose weight?

Hey switched to a byte sized diet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/9ine0ne0ne
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I bet my friend that i could lose more weight than him within the last month

I lost 10 pounds

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killer4free
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A person went on a low carb diet to lose weight...

They said β€œIt’s the keto my success!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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I thought up a great way to lose weight!

You must get struck by lightening.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jofax88
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
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Why do cowboys lose so much weight when they go on cattle drives?

Because they watch what they eat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebreaker90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The scientist who comes up with the perfect diet plan to lose weight

Should win the Nobelly Prize.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Whenever I need to lose weight, I go to a paint store.

You can always get thinner there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My partner decided to lose quite a bit of weight recently.

It was a wife-altering decision.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/colonelbackhand
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
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"Dad, did you lose weight?"

"Yes. Help me find it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/python935
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
If you're trying to lose weight, just take out all of your bones.

You'd lose a skeleTON!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_real_Elon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Want to lose ten pounds of ugly weight?

Cut off your head!

Bonus: my mom hates it when my dad tells this joke.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godd2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad told my mom to lose weight...

Dad: You are starting to gain weight. You need to need to start exercising.

Mom: Well where is the treadmill we used to own?

Dad: It went for a walk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheShariff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
🚨︎ report
I've been trying to get my dad to lose some weight recently...

Dad: You know, I might start doing bodybuilding

Me: Yeah?

Dad: Yeah! Do you know where I can buy the parts?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ozkah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report
I made a bet with a friend of mine that I could lose more weight than him in a month.

I lost 10 pounds.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I keep trying to lose weight

But it keeps catching up to me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I keep trying to lose weight

But it always finds me

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimingot_yesjams
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the beer that helps you lose weight?

It made bud light.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkosgoat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I keep trying to lose weight

but weight keeps trying to find me

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlashHash
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report

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