I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
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︎ Nov 06 2020
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
Itβs the weight and c approach I guess
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︎ May 21 2020
Slim Jim carrey
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︎ Jun 16 2020
The only time I got anything for Valentine's Day was in 3rd grade where my teacher gave me a Slim Jim.
I spent Valentine's Day eating my meat.
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︎ Jan 28 2020
The real slim shady
Me and my son were going to a store and he pointed something out. A person in a cloak. He said that they looked shady. I asked if they were fat he said no so then I replied so theyβre the real slim shady
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︎ Jun 01 2019
My wife asked me to get the milk from the fridge. I asked if she wanted slim or whole. She said whole. I asked if she needed the butter, as well. She said no.
She wanted the milk, the whole milk, and nothing but the milk.
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︎ Aug 16 2018
I won the slim waist trophy
Glad I got that one under my belt.
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︎ Sep 14 2018
I would date him in a heartbeat
π︎ 5k
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︎ May 28 2021
My doctor said that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go....
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︎ Feb 18 2021
A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"
Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
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︎ Aug 18 2020
BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus..
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti
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︎ Feb 05 2020
Asked my 2 and a half year old what he wanted his name to be.
He pointed to the coffee table where we have a bag of candy and said "M&M!!!"
Guess I have to call him Slim Shady from now on...
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Not your son
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︎ Mar 01 2020
What are the chances of meeting Eminem?
π︎ 10
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Whatβs the majority of cows religious beliefs?
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︎ Nov 02 2020
What are the chances of seeing a skinny man next to a catholic woman?
π︎ 16
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︎ Dec 10 2020
How do you call a skinny drug dealer?...
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 26 2020
What sound does a 747 airplane make when it bounces?
π︎ 5k
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︎ Dec 24 2018
My daughter inadvertantly came up with this one today:
I was putting spray-on sunscreen onto my (not slim) belly and my daughter, seeing the can and not remembering the correct word said, "hey, it's just like grafatty!). I couldn't stop laughing for a solid 5 minutes. I will never be able to put sunscreen on without thinking of that again.
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︎ Aug 04 2020
I challenged my entire family to see who could fast the longest.
You could say my competition is getting slim.
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︎ May 24 2020
How do hip-hop artists stay safe when traveling from country to country?
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 07 2018
Please stand up!
π︎ 45
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︎ Sep 30 2018
I don't trust those trees, son. Why not dad?
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︎ Feb 02 2019
Why do Muslims have a good jawline?
Because their Mu's slim
In case you are wondering, Mu is mouth in Hindi.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 27 2018
What do you call a rapper with Parkinson's?
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 25 2013
"Dad, did you lose weight?"
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 18 2017
What do you call a Muslim cow?
π︎ 45
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︎ May 12 2013
What are they calling that new diet pill developed by a team of Greek and Iranian scientists?
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 09 2016
Customer dadjoked his children at the convenience store today.
The kids were probably around 8-12 years old. They all go the sweet aisle and start looking at the chocolate etc. The father picks up a bag of M&Ms and says to his kids:
"Hey, want some Slim Shadys?"
They give him a funny look. He looks again and notices that they're 2 for Β£1.
"50 Cent for some Eminems? That's Ludacris!"
Cue another look from the kids.
"I'll pay for them though, it's no Biggie."
I'll admit, I chuckled.
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︎ Mar 26 2015
(X-Post from /r/Jokes) Two dad jokes for the price of one!
What do you call a fitness instructor who moonlights as an action hero?
Jason Stay-thin
What do you call a music artist who works out and is a bit of a creep?
Slim Shady
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︎ Aug 02 2017
Sweat.
So my family and I were clothes shopping and when we got in the car afterwards, my mom said that something smelled like sweat. My dad turns and says, "well, ChikaChikaSlimShady just bought a sweatshirt!"
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︎ Sep 29 2013
My wife went to weightwatchers early yesterday
My wife went to weightwatchers early yesterday because from her experience the first meeting of the new year is always crowded with people resolved to lose weight in the new year. She was surprised to find that not many people were there. I said "so it was a slim crowd at weightwatchers?"
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︎ Jan 05 2015
I ask my dad, "What are the chances of me borrowing the car today?"
He Responds, "Two Chances," I look expectantly.
'Slim and None."
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︎ Nov 07 2013
My dad wishing my cousin Happy Birthday via Facebook
Happy Birthday from Columbus. Cathy (my mom) made you cookies. I ate them for you. Think of it as a slimming birthday present from your waist line to my belly! Your welcome! Happy 21st.
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︎ Nov 14 2013
Was out with my dad one day back when Eminem was just getting popular
It was the middle of the day during Texas summer and my dad pointed at a stick of a tree and asked, "So, is that a Slim Shady?"
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︎ May 21 2014
What do you call a skinny man with sunglasses?
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 01 2017
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