My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.

It was sodium disgusting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingbankai
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD.

It cuts like a knife.

πŸ‘︎ 286
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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What do you call a Mexican man who misplaced his car?

Carlos

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndytheMVP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage…

I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 256
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobo4lifee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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I tried to order a table from IKEA, but I misplaced an umlaut in my search text. I got a couch instead.

So close, yet sofa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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I sued the airport authorities because they misplaced my belongings

I lost the case

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/off-sp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Another camping pun

I always misplace my tent and have to put it somewhere else. You could say I raised the stakes.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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A man took an airline to court after they misplaced his luggage.

He lost his case

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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I misplaced my watch the other day.

I guess you could say I lost track of time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Like8catsbro
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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I recently misplaced some of my game pieces for Yahtzee, and honestly it’s been hell, so I decided to make some posters to put up around the apartment complex:

Pair of dice, LOST.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/okaypuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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I seem to have misplaced my bumper book of childish humour

I wonder where I poo tit.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fingerbob73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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A man was sueing an airline for misplacing his luggage.

Unfortunately he lost his case

Source: Colin mochrie in whose line is it anyway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zero212
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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I misplaced my dictionary the other day

I am at a loss for words

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaseo2017
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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My girlfriend misplaced some of her makeup...

Gf: "I can't find my concealer"

Me: "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then."

She was silent for like a solid five seconds before just saying "fuck off"

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mono200
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2016
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I misplaced a very small tool

Today my wife and I decided to go to the store when she got home from work for stir-fry supplies. I hadn't gone anywhere all day, so I had to grab my shoes and socks. I guess I'd misplaced one of my tiny screwdrivers from my toolbag and it had ended up inside a shoe. It plopped out into my palm when I tried to shake out the shoe, which prompted me to turn to my wife and exclaim, "Phew! That was a close call! I almost really screwed up my foot!" She gave me a look that said 'I am way too tired to deal with this nonsense'. Stir-fry was fantastic, though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrtorbear
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2016
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Why did the necromancer laugh at the ritual sacrifice?

He misplaced his sacrificial bones with his HUMERUS ones!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatsMrRobert2U
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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Concerned about boyfriend's dad-joke abilities. Is he a secret dad?

Boyfriend and I went to Portillo's (Italian Beef sandwich place in Chicago) and ordered sammies.

While we were eating, I started a story with the phrase, "so, I kind of have a beef with..."

He pauses, looks down at my now-empty sandwich wrapper and responds with,

"well, you had a beef..."

Also, I've stopped asking him to call my phone when I misplace it because I'm tired of the "what do you want me to call it?" response.

Boy and I have been together for...8 months or so, dad-jokes only got super frequent recently - men of /r/dadjokes - is this a condition that occurs after several months of dating? Please help.

:)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/push_harder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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Two generation dad joke

I got a new phone for Christmas today and while playing around with it I misplaced my old phone and couldn't find it anywhere. I asked my dad to call me so I could find it by sound. All of a sudden he starts yelling my name and then shoots me a shit eating grin and says, "what? You told me to call you." But before he even had a chance to laugh at his own joke my grandpa (his dad) yelled across the house, "he wanted someone to call his phone, not him!" Then proceeded to yell, "Phone!!! Phone!! Where are you!?" Then both of them busted out laughing while I sat there still with no phone :(

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bzsteele
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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Never lose anything around my dad

So as a kid I would sometimes misplace items and ask for help looking for them. When dad would locate the item and hand it over he would say " lets just use this until we find the real one". I admit to using that one on more than one occasion at work as an adult now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devi11man
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Is that intentional?

This happened today while cooking cookies, it got a bit hectic and things got misplaced.
"Why is there a knife in the fridge?"
"For cold cuts."

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techniforus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2015
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I misplaced my pizza cutter so I had to use my Bryan Adams cd.

It cuts like a knife.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CobaltD70
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD

It cuts like a knife

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball-_-fondler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I misplaced two dice yesterday

Pair O' dice lost

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0rf999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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I Tried To Sue The Airline For Misplacing My Luggage.

I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hana-Chi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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