Why is Sean Connery’s family so close-knit?
Because they share a special Bond.
My friend knits portraits of famous people. I told her the eyebrows are too high ...
Why don't Christmas trees learn to knit?
They always drop their needles.
What did Tesla say when Edison said he could knit electricity?
Why did the klepto only knit metal sweaters?
A sweater can be an absolute ewe knit.
A pretty knit conversation.
People that hand make wool sweaters are part of a tight knit group.
A woman that knits her own dresses?!
She's knot your average lady!
A Volley of Knitting Puns
My wife was teaching her best friend how to knit. She was doing quite well but for some extra encouragement I said:
"The basics are simple enough. It's when you get into the knitty gritty that things start to unravel.
Wife and friend shake their heads, so I say "Sorry, I didn't mean for my purls of wisdom to needle you."
More groans...
"Still," I said, "at least I kept it short and sweet. I mean, I could've spun you a proper yarn."
Wife to friend: "Right, pass me that soddin' knitting needle...!"
Have you heard about the guy going around different towns and jabbing people with knitting needles?
Police believe he is following some sort of pattern
Got an idea for a movie about an old lady who's into poker and knitting...
Sorry I've been so quiet here today. I've been keeping a close eye on the local news. Apparently there's a lad going around stabbing people with knitting needles.
Police say he may be following a pattern.
I've been trying out some new knitting patterns, but I think my yarn is too thin
There's a nutcase going around our town stabbing people with knitting needles.
Twelve individuals have been attacked in the last 48 hours.
The Police have announced that the attacker could be following some kind of pattern
I suspect my friend has an unhealthy addiction to knitting quilts.
I have seen all the patterns.
Just finished watching a film about a serial killer who dresses up in brightly coloured sweaters....
It's called 'Knitwear On Elm Street.'
People say crochet is like knitting,
Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
Because they always drop their needles... Ho Ho Ho!
We live next door to the Pullovers.
They're a tight knit family.
What did 50 Cent say to his grandma after she knitted him a sweater?
My friend wears a close-fitting knitted cap when he's putting items for sale on racks at the grocery...
I've just started knitting for the Mafia
Woman driving along the road while knitting. Cop rolls down his window and shouts "Pullover maam"!
Woman shouts back, "no actually, its a scarf."
The first step in confronting a crafting problem,
A state trooper pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway
Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting
The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver “pull over”
“No!” yelled the woman “it’s a cardigan”
TIFU by ruining my nieces knitted sweater...
What's the appeal of round-tipped knitting needles?
Avengers: Infiknity War [OC]
The mother of my children just finished knitting a scarf
She wrapped it around her neck, and got her mouth and nose covered as well:
Me: Hey, you look like a wooligan!
She: ... (glaring..) and you look awfully proud of yourself.
Indeed I was.
Dadjoked my friend while knitting.
I was about a fourth of the way through knitting a scarf, and I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, I'll never finish this by Wednesday...unless....I PULL AN ALL-KNITTER!"
She was very disappointed, and I felt ready for fatherhood.
Her: Are you finally done with all your embroidery puns? I’m sick of it!
Did you know that it takes 3 sheep to make one sweater?
Amazing, I didn't even know they could knit.
The problem with knitting class
...is that I've heard once you've tried it, you're hooked.
I read an article earlier that said it actually takes three sheep to make one sweater…
I didn't even know they could knit!
I got pulled over while driving because I was weaving too much.
I told the cop it’s my first time knitting, so I’m pretty slow at it.
I tried to tell me wife about a dream I had where I was weaving the hair of the Philadelphia Flyer's mascot into intricate braids...
She was disgusted, and told me she didn't want the Knit-ty Gritty details.
what do you call it when someone is indecisive about which yarn to buy?
My wife likes to crochet and play guitar.
She's a real knit picker.
I know someone who's really good at crochet jokes
We all call him a knit-wit
I read an article earlier that said it actually takes three sheep to make one sweater…
I didn't even know they could knit!
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
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