A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
You're damn right it will
I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden
How the hell am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock
You gotta hand it to short people.
Because they cant reach it.
Heres a bacteria joke. If you dont get it just google it.
What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?
What time is it when you see a cow laying in a field?
I guess you could say it gave him some wood
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn
I get it, you hated him 4 years ago ...
... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
My friend works in IT and I asked him, “How do you make a motherboard?”
He said, “I usually tell her about my job.”
Do you feel that r/puns should have a feature where someone posts an image and everyone tries to makes puns about it(the image) in the comment section?
You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but my friend is a natural at remodeling kitchens.
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because.....
At the end of the day it's evening
You know why they call it a checking account?
Cause I’m always checking to see if there’s money.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's...
shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
When a short person waves at you, what do you call it?
Please just take my money you deserve it
I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"
I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"
What do you call the part of the snake that isn't it's head?
It doesn't matter if you're black or white, or gay or straight
At the end of the day, it's night.
nah, dont bother. you wont get it, it's an inside joke.
What do you call it when you do your work on a shelf
What do you call it when two Vietnamese people with common names get married?
A Nguyen-Nguyen situation
I made a joke about the song Staying Alive and how it sounds like women singing. Apparently many of you didn’t like it.
Hereby my sincere apolobeegies!
How do you tell the sex of an ant? You drop it in water. It sinks: girl ant. It floats:...
Stop calling it dressing, you don’t wear it. It’s stuffing.
Because you’re stuffing your face with it since you know you won’t see it again until next Thanksgiving.
What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
Maths is fun. It teaches you life and death info...
Like, when you're freezing, go and stand in a corner. It's 90 degrees there.
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
What do you call it when people are hating on Valorant as a game?
Do you know why is it called bad-minton🏸 and not good-minton? • Because it involves "RACKETS"
Did you know that when it snows my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
I have to make dad jokes or I could lose my dad license. It's a thing called D-Law. If you're caught being a dad without a license? Well...
Did you hear the news about the shovel? It's ground breaking. But the broom?
That really swept the nation.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.
I'll call it Little Seizures.
Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?
They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.
You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's...
shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
Air used to be free and now it’s 1.75 you know why?
What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
