Once again I've entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town, this year I'm just hoping..

..that I can pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 387
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a construction cone doing weird dances in the street and wearing a clown hat. I asked the construction crew that that cone is made from.

They replied, "sili-cone"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I like to wear a canoe on my head like it's a hat

Works best if it's capsized

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?

I'll wait here, you go on ahead

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToeOnPineaplle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
"Hats" should be spelled as "HATS"

Because it's all caps

πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anukrit_Subedi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the magician fit his top hat on his head?

Because his hare was too big.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayWolf85
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crimson-colored fish wearing a hat?

A red herring...the hat was also a red herring.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leron4551
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Two hats were having a chat

"You stay here," one said, "I'll go on ahead."

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PettyLikeTom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I suggested my son wear a hi-hat for hat day at school but he said no.

Apparently he's not into cymbalism.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What did that hat say to the gloves?

You guys can stay here, I'm gonna go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BackgroundCow8631
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Didja know that in Turkey they have a social networking dedicated to red hats?

It's called FezBook.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do they call that hat you wear in the jungle a pith helmet?

Becauthe of all the monkeeth up in the treeth.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Frenchman at the hat shop who kept getting yelled at by his boss?

He got tired of being beret-ted all of the time.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Hats!

I bet this went over some of your heads

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
One hat says to the other,

"You wait here, I’ll go on a head."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Decorated for Christmas with puns and tiny hats reddit.com/gallery/kkha7r
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgpostbox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a white hat dropped into the Red Sea become?

Wet

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irishlamb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My hat told me he was leaving me

I said go on a head

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the Sorting Hat’s favourite relationship advice?

Slytherin.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FredererPower
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Computer: choose a password. Me: hi-hat

Computer: password cannot contain symbols

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Tom Hanks’ forehead say to him when he took his hat off while golfing?

I’m the cap-tan now!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aschtopher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
One of my friends told me he was opening a clothing store that sold everything except for hats.

I thought he was pulling my leg, but when I asked him, he told me "Yeah man it's true, no cap."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MostWheatyOne
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?

A slow cooker.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EpisodicDoleWhip
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying "tick tick tick"?

A metro-gnome

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arirr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was unprepared for a pun about Canadian winter hats...

It really toque me by surprise!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sad hat?

A somber-ero

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Almost all garden gnomes have red hats

It’s a little gnome fact

πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thornkale
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad Tells Time With His Hat

My dad worked in construction for most of his life, and because he worked with his hands, he sacrificed many watches. But if you don't have a watch, how are you to tell time? My dad has a great sense of humor and is always thinking of new ways to do things to make them more practical or thinking of ways to change things to make them work better for him. So after spending way too much money on a heavy duty watch that inevitably broke on him, he came up with a better solution.

He used the working part of a clock and stuck it on the inside rim of his hat, so if he wanted to know what the time was, he just had to look up. Simple. And the way his hat was, you couldn't see the clock when looking at him unless you were underneath him and looking up.

And then came the funny part. Every time he was asked what time it was, he would look up at the sun, scan the horizon, pretend to do a math equation in his head, and tell them the exact time down to the minute. I've witnessed him doing this a few times but never gave it away. The look of surprise and confusion this gave people was priceless.

My dad had done other funny things like this, but this was by far the funniest.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredzred
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
but we hat a test
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsiganology
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
2 hats

2 hats are hanging out at the coat rack at a popular restaurant. 1 says to the other. " you should hang out. I'm gonna go on a head. "

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.

Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
wish I had that hat
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thicckar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sea captain that went in for a hat fitting at the local haberdashery during rough seas?

He was cap-sized.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpartanMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the jealous bowler hat say to the cowboy hat?

I’m brimming with disdain for you

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JumpinJaccFlash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the pirate wear a paper towel for a hat?

He had a bounty on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanOfAllTrades80
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Who does the Cat in the Hat call when his back hurts?

A maSeuss.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make any boat a hat?

You flip it over and it becomes capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unic0rnism
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I put an Atlanta hat on my periodic table.

I’m not afraid to brave the elements.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve got my corduroy pants, my corduroy shirt, and my corduroy hat...

One more piece of clothing and I’ll be one whole Roy!

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mugsfull
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Two Hats

What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here. I'll go on a head.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/virtualmeta
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here, i'll go on a head

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shamudawhale51
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around I'll go on a head

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dukesinbad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What did one hat say to the other?

β€œYou stay here, I’ll go on a-head.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tatsoup
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the hat say to the hat rack?

You stay here. I’ll go on a head.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mystyry
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one hat say to another hat?

You stay here, I’ll go on ahead

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooAvocados7098
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here, I’ll go on a head.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ndgrounds
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My hat told me he was leaving me

I said go on ahead

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just entered the neighborhoods tightest hat contest..

..hope I pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report

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