I knocked my son's tooth out with a hatchet yesterday.

It was axedental.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Astreauxs5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell.

I love foreign axe scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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I always like bragging about the very small hatchet I own.....

.....I've done some research on it and as it turns out, it's from the 1850's and was used in some rich guys home to chop up citrus fruits for desserts and cakes etc.
My wife thinks it's boring, she says "it's just an antique lime axe".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Barseps
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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What would happen if I ordered a hatchet from Europe and had it shipped?

I could have a foreign axe sent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ordeliadruilla
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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Where did George Washington get his hatchet?

The chopping mall

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red0333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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I was sharpening my hatchet...

...and my wife asked, "hows your knife sharpening going?"

"I think I made my point," I replied.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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What did the inquisitive hatchet say?

I need to AXE you a question....

Hahaha, my husband is so proud of this joke. Came up with it all on his own.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meandthecrowbar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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Bought a new hatchet yesterday. Came downstairs to find this note on it this morning.I think my dad is trying to teach me something about putting things away... [xpost /r/funny]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bieberfan99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2013
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What would a lumberjack do with an egg?

They would hatchet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trumpigator38
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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A disgruntled employee of an axe throwing establishment was leaving one-star Yelp reviews

Apparently it was a real hatchet job

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P8ntballz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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What’s one way to open an egg?

Hatchet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeexterminator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Why did the lumberjack sit on his ax?

He wanted to hatchet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/artistsdrawcrowds
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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An old favorite

King Broderick was in trouble. He wasn't a very good king, and his brother Argyle was gathering forces to depose him and take the crown. In desperation, he captured Count Petrie, a very popular man who was one of his brother's cronies, and tortured him to learn his brother's location.

But the count wouldn't divulge the information, so the King scheduled a public execution. The crowds gathered, including the King's brother, who was there in disguise. The Count was forced to kneel, with his head on the chopping block. The headsman stood nearby, holding his axe at the ready. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, you are here before me because you have aligned yourself with my brother. If you tell me where he is, I will allow you to live out your days in my dungeon. Remain silent, and you will die." The Count remained silent. King Broderick motioned to the headsman, who slowly raised his axe and swung it down...THUNK...into the wood next to the Count's head. The Count stared at the axe, visibly shaking. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, that was a warning, and there will not be another. Tell me where my brother is and you will live. Remain silent, and you will die!" The Count stayed silent. King Broderick again motioned to the headsman, who raised the axe. As the headsman began the downswing, the Count cried out "Wait!!" but...THUNK...it was too late, and the Count's head fell to the ground.

At the Count's death, the King's brother leapt up and revealed himself to the crowd. Cheering Argyle, they crowded forward and overran the King's guards. Soon, it was Broderick's head on the chopping block. Argyle, the new King, waved back the headsman, knelt beside his brother and whispered into his ear "Silly brother, don't hatchet your Counts before they've chickened."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyarlathotep4King
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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