As the title says, I need a pun that involves two unlikely friends. Knives and Charity/donations.
Any help would be appreciated!
Knife to be here in this community
The little shit used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Friend: Do you mean Reese Witherspoon?
Me: No, with her knife!
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
One gets incarcerated, the other is in-car-serrated
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and... keep reading on reddit ➡
A four loaf cleaver
An X-Actor knife
It's cutting-edge technology.
"Mum!!! You're going to get us kicked out of Disney world. "
Not even if it's a boning knife.
A dull evening.
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
this plays off another, funnier post but i couldn't find it again
Because it will always have a point
PS, this was inspired from a comment I saw on an instagram post, and also I apologize if this joke has already been posted as I did not take the time to check if it has been.
I was a super spreader.
It was not very cleaver.
It is the director‘s cut
It was a pairing knife
But it just wont cut it.
None of the other surgeons seem to do it !
Because it cuts things into two, so now you have a pair.
My 15-year-old had to think about this for a minute... Then he goes "Wait, doesn't every knife do that?" Congratulations, son, that's called critical thinking.
They just didn't give a fork...
it wasn't really sharp of him
I can’t tell you how many times it’s saved my ass.
At least the both have something "in" common.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
My 4y/o is watching a cartoon whereby there are some asteroids and meteors & says, “Oh my goodness gracious! Daddy! A meteor shower!!”
To which I responded, “Meatier than what? Campbell’s Chunky Soup?”
Because he wanted to look sharp.
like when you have to change someone's mind.
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.