A list of puns related to "Knife Jokes"
A dull evening.
It was not very cleaver.
I've got to admit, it is a little dull.
No shit Sherlock?
And he said βfood usuallyβ.
But itβs a whisk Iβm willing to take.
Kids: Witherspoon? Me: No, with a knife.
I'd hate to be that guy.
He's a knife guy
Wife notices graffiti on the side of the road with the word HISTORY. Her: "That is the second time I have seen someone graffiti that word." Me: "History repeats itself."
I work a cancer hospital and schedule patients for surgery and procedures and stuff. I had this one couple who I knew I would like as soon as they sat down. The first thing the man says to me βyou wanna hear a joke?β Me βah, of course!β ....a few moments of silence go by... dad βdid you hear about that actress? I think she played in miss congeniality? It was Reese something? She committed suicide.β Totally buying the story I go, βare you serious!? Reese Witherspoon!?β And with out a beat he says βNo, with a knife.β And I looked at him for a few seconds to comprehend the joke and then lost it! I know this is probably old but itβs a classic.
I greeted him with "knife to meet you, looking sharp today!"
He told me that the joke didn't cut it βΉοΈ
Today at the local toys'r'us with my SO and the kids. We approach two teenagers restocking the shelves from a pallet full of cardboard boxes. I hear one of them ask the other if she has seen the knife. The other says no, an I notice they're searching for it. As we pass i ask if "they're looking for one of them retractable knifes?"
Her: "Yes"
Me: "I think i saw a kid running around with it over there" *points with thumb over my shoulder
Her:...-...! *face turns white
My SO: I'm sorry he's joking. Arrrg! 2rgeir can't I take you anywhere?
Me: *snickering
a hunter stabbed a gator behind his head with a knife. my dad said, "you know what they call that? a pith. and if he does it wrong, he'll really pith that gator off."
completely straight-faced, didn't even chuckle at his own joke. maybe one day I'll be that much of a natural.
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