Not a Dad, but my Dad made this joke. "What do you call Jack the Ripper with a butter knife?"

A dull evening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J-Ray15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I made a joke about a butcher’s knife but nobody laughed.

It was not very cleaver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Have you heard that joke about the knife?

I've got to admit, it is a little dull.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LungBubbles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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What did the Doctor say to the constipated detective?

No shit Sherlock?

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_mash_king
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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So I asked my dad one day: β€œWhat’s a forklift?”

And he said β€œfood usually”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils

But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luckj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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Me: Did you hear Reese β€˜whats-her-name’ stabbed somebody?

Kids: Witherspoon? Me: No, with a knife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoryK00
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
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Statistics show a person in the US is stabbed every 54 minutes.

I'd hate to be that guy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dingwanginc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2015
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My mobster friend prefer using knives over guns

He's a knife guy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tphobias
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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Nailed this dadjoke on a 6 hour drive to Oregon

Wife notices graffiti on the side of the road with the word HISTORY. Her: "That is the second time I have seen someone graffiti that word." Me: "History repeats itself."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mark_is_Dragon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2014
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Was told the ultimate dad joke today.. (I may be over exaggerating a little)

I work a cancer hospital and schedule patients for surgery and procedures and stuff. I had this one couple who I knew I would like as soon as they sat down. The first thing the man says to me β€œyou wanna hear a joke?” Me β€œah, of course!” ....a few moments of silence go by... dad β€œdid you hear about that actress? I think she played in miss congeniality? It was Reese something? She committed suicide.” Totally buying the story I go, β€œare you serious!? Reese Witherspoon!?” And with out a beat he says β€œNo, with a knife.” And I looked at him for a few seconds to comprehend the joke and then lost it! I know this is probably old but it’s a classic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brooklynne33
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
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My dad brought home a set of knives today

I greeted him with "knife to meet you, looking sharp today!"

He told me that the joke didn't cut it ☹️

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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Dadjoke scares toys'r'us employees.

Today at the local toys'r'us with my SO and the kids. We approach two teenagers restocking the shelves from a pallet full of cardboard boxes. I hear one of them ask the other if she has seen the knife. The other says no, an I notice they're searching for it. As we pass i ask if "they're looking for one of them retractable knifes?"

Her: "Yes"

Me: "I think i saw a kid running around with it over there" *points with thumb over my shoulder

Her:...-...! *face turns white

My SO: I'm sorry he's joking. Arrrg! 2rgeir can't I take you anywhere?

Me: *snickering

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2rgeir
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2014
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while watching swamp people...

a hunter stabbed a gator behind his head with a knife. my dad said, "you know what they call that? a pith. and if he does it wrong, he'll really pith that gator off."

completely straight-faced, didn't even chuckle at his own joke. maybe one day I'll be that much of a natural.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vitaminj08
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2014
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