What's a different word for an axe?

Chopstick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepOrderDis
πŸ“…︎ May 02
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The police pulled over a semi going 120 mph on the interstate. Upon opening the trailer, they found thousands of ancient cutting tools similar to an axes but with the cutting edges perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.

She was hauling adze!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 22
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My 8 year old son asked me to buy him two axes for his birthday...

I told him ok, I’d get him an X and a Y... my 12 year old cracked up, the 8 year old was confused. I still look at it as a win.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
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Why can't Barbarians keep their hands off their axes?

All that cleavage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irorii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
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I have a scar from an axe on my finger

It was an axident

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrkapid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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An Axe to Grind

An Axe to Grind
A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.
Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't
want to pay for it."

But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining,
he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.Β 
Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.

"I didn't cut it down," the father replies.Β 
"I got it at a tree lot."

"Then why did you bring an axe?"

"Because I didn't want to pay."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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A disgruntled employee of an axe throwing establishment was leaving one-star Yelp reviews

Apparently it was a real hatchet job

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P8ntballz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Can I axe you a question?

Never mind you’d chop at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joe_mama_89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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What did the lumberjack say to the talking tree as he swung his axe?

You will dialogue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EthanSilver248
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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What do you call it when you break your pick axe while working?

A miner inconvenience

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustHumanGarbage
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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A lumberjack was out cutting down trees in the forest one day. He went to swing his axe and the tree screamed "WAIT! I'M A TALKING TREE!!!!"

The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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When firefighters lose their jobs, are they fired or given the axe?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luther277
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.

He was hauling adze!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.

It wasn’t very cleaver.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarsonFoles
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, β€œNO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack responded, β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/articElite0
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Where does a lumberjack buy his axes?

At the β€œChopping Maul.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/razortongue71
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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If i were an executioner, i’d rather be the guy swinging an axe than the guy tying a rope.

easier to get a head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aexolthum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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My friend is always bragging about his woodworking tool like an axe but with the cutting edge perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.

What an adze!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.

An AXEIDENT

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigni44a
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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Anti-climb axe
πŸ‘︎ 518
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mangopojke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
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My friends got together to play electric guitar, but the distance from the wall to their axes was too great...

Luckily, they had a power chord.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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I'm the proud owner of an axe that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln...

I replaced the head once,and the handle twice, but it feels good to own a piece of American history.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Axe body spray (xpost /r/dndmemes)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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Axe...

gives me head-axe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurquiseBird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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Why did Johnny Appleseed carry an axe?

To have better axe-ess to apples.

As told by my 8 year old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NEPDX_RIPCITY
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Hey teacher, what would you do if someone came up to you with a huge axe?

I'd answer their important question

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notmikerealname
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 250
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
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Cut myself at a BYOB axe throwing place last night

That's right.... I had an axe-ident

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevincredible22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
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So I made a character who's into axes... I need puns and jokes... About axes! (x-post /r/DnD) reddit.com/r/DnD/comments…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slashgate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Sorry mate, I broke your axe head...

Hope you can handle it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/urammar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
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I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.

It wasn't very cleaver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodMustafi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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I own an axe that belonged to Abraham Lincoln

I replaced the head once,and the handle has been replaced twice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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