I don't keep grudges. My dad kept grudges....

I hated him for that.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Women really know how to hold grudges over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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My wife really knows how to hold a grudge, she asked for a tube of lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tub of glue

She still isn’t talking to me

PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/AjIsMySlave
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Women can hold grudges for a long time.

Women can hold grudges for a long time, about a week ago I swapped out my wife's lipstick for super glue, she hasn't spoken to me since!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomem8112
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Some people ask me why I never hold a grudge.

I’ve always hated those people.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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Every time we go past a railroad crossing, I always tell my kids, "Hey, a train just went by!" They grudgingly ask, β€œHow do you know daddy?”

β€œBecause its tracks are still here!”

πŸ‘︎ 296
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
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My friend in the country couldn’t afford his water bill...

So I sent him a β€˜Get Well Soon!’ card.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Saw this place in Belfast. A grudging nod to them. imgur.com/svyKhZv
πŸ‘︎ 179
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.


They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?


In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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A man sees a stranger grudgingly walking a dog.

The man asks, β€œWhat kind of dog is that, a setter or a pointer?” He replies, β€œNeither. He’s an upsetter and a disappointer.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasj041
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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My 7 year old proudly said dad I double knotted my shoe.

I said, "You did not." She glares at me, "Yes I did." Me, "You did knot." She grudgingly accepts reality and stomps away, head shaking.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmackz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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A lumberjack went into a magical forest to cut a tree...

Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted "Wait! I'm a magical tree!"

The lumberjack grinned and said, "And you will dialogue".

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ‘€︎ u/ManOfTheInBetween
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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What did the Dalai Lama say when he walked into the pizza place?

"make me one with everything."

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheEggman1800
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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Timmy the tugboat captain would never forgive his peers after they would steal barge-moving jobs from him.

He definitely harbored a grudge.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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idk why i'm wasting my life making up jokes

Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!

need upvotes pls

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/mhayes69123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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One of my friends stole all the DVDs of my horror movie collection. In the end I decided to let him go.

However, I still hold The Grudge.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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My Grandpa told the longest buildup to the "dad"-est joke I've ever heard.

So there was a murderer and his name was Ardy. His last name was too long and complicated and everyone knew him in town, so everyone called him "Ardy". One of his buddies asked him to kill this guy for $3000 and after Ardy did a bit of research, he realized he knew him and had a grudge against him for years. So Ardy told the guy: "I hate this guy so much, I'll kill him for free."

Ardy's buddy said "Are you sure? I gotta give you something!"

So Ardy said, "Ok ok. I'll do it for a dollar."

The next morning, the guy was at Meijer (A grocery store) and Ardy came up behind him and choked him with his scarf. When he was done killing him, there was a woman screaming at him to stop. So Ardy had to choke her with his scarf too. After that, he ran to his car and there was an old man watching him, so Ardy went over and choked him too. In the middle of killing the old man, the police pulled up and arrested Ardy. After a bit of interrogation, Ardy admitted to killing all of them, and especially the first guy for only a dollar.

The next morning, the headlines read:

Ardy Chokes 3 for a Dollar at Meijer

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ‘€︎ u/Legownz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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Story of an abusive marriage.

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case? "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?' "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." The judge said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?' "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
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How Frozen can be a bad thing

My fiance had a grudge over someone and mid argument I thought it was funny to blurt out:

me: "Why can't you just be like Elsa?" fiance: "What?!" me: "Let it go.."

Currently setting up the sofa in the lounge

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ‘€︎ u/a6491
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2014
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We Were Using "R", the Software Environment, in my Stats Class Today

The professor asked us what a pirate's favourite letter was. We all grudgingly answered "R..." in unison. "NAY," he replied. "It's the C!"

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ‘€︎ u/thewreckage
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2015
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My 12 yr old daughter w/ her dad comment that stopped her 18 yr old brother cold.

My 18 yr old son was intently talking to me about something, and his 12 yr old sister tried to weigh in on it.

He said, "No one asked for your input, Sis." And she immediately snapped back with, "Well no one asked for your output either."*

We all laughed and he grudgingly admitted that it was a pretty clever comeback.

*hope this fits in as a dad joke

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ‘€︎ u/thelocket
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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I don't keep grudges, my dad kept grudges.

I always hated him for that.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Women really know how to hold a grudge over the simpelest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue

It's been a week and she's still not talking to me

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Obsidi3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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