Because he Missed-A-T.
since heβs both Green Lantern and Deadpool
I mean, they're excellent sources of protein, fiber, and good cholesterol.
(I was talking about the fruit)
I could have made a Commander Shepard deck.
Because nobody puts baby in a coroner.
I told her "sorry you're feeling down".
She said I'm stupid.
In other words, I won.
.....the mammothematician.
In reality, it just sounds paw-thetic.
I pity the fool who missed their tea!!!
Itβs probably best that you didnβt, itβs pretty pitiful
He offered me coffee.
You just don't get surprised, you also get bamboozled
A law suit
I said, βHey, you missed a T.β
Sure, I know theyβre disgusting little bugs. But I started taking pity on the little guys after they only came in second in this poll of peopleβs favorite animals.
The winner, of course, was the goldfish.
GTF bot.
Gapps.
The woman tries to pity the judge: -Judge, I carried this child 9 months in my belly, it is the flesh of my flesh and it comes directly to me! The judge is moved and says: -Right mam, but now, lets listen to your husband's arguments. The man prefers to use his pragmatic side, and says: -Judge, when I put my coin in the vending machine,Is the can mine or is it to the machine?
A pity potty
Poplar
I mist
He feels pity at the sight and asks "What's wrong, love?" She turns to him and says "I can't stand showering without my legs"
Predictable, disappointing and people only laugh out of pity.
A woman walks into a bar and takes a seat. The bartender asks what she wants to drink and her name, "Falacy" she responds despondently.
"What's got you down, Falacy?" he asks.
"I had a terrible day, my dog threw up all over my shoes this morning, got fired from my job and my car broke down on the way home. To make matters worse as I trudged over to this bar it started pouring it down with rain."
The bartender looks her up and down pitifully.
"That's pathetic, Falacy"
Three bags fool!
I pity the η¦
Doesn't work if you're British because they pronounce it "goff" not "go" but I'll stop being a buzzkill. We need your best artist puns now!
I was given some paperwork to sign today. When I handed it back to my boss, she asked, "Can you date them?"
"That's a little forward. We just met, and they didn't really make a great first impression."
Pity laughter followed.
I pity the pho.
... we know this because Mr T pities the fuel
When People Tell Me That Joke, I Never Know What To Say. I'm Absolutely Tongue Tied. Which Is A Pity, Since It Takes Two To Tangle.
He woke up.......
So, naturally, my only response has been to adopt a pitiful look and steeple my hands above my head until she rolls her eyes and walks off!
I now have so much respect for all the jokes in here,
So i just became a dad on Friday to a beautiful baby girl and my story goes like this.
Today a Midwife came into the room where my wife and I were and started with a speech " Hi my name is !editingoutinfo! I was wondering if i can take a blood sample from the baby, It's voluntary, it's for statistics and it gets sent out to a lab and they test for all rare conditions, they are going to test her genes and..."
At which point i stopped her and said "we haven't got any jeans for her, everyone has been buying her pink dresses"
she gave me a pity laugh and said "ohh the dad jokes are starting already"
What is happening to me?
... But he goes by Gene. Whenever one of my friends would greet him "Hi, Gene!" He would say "Don't get personal with me."
I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.
I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, βDo you want a liftβ. βNo thanksβ, they replied, βWeβre Walkersβ.
I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said βthatβs maderia cakeβ.
Bought some cream, it said βstore in a cool placeβ. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.
A man says βI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the otherβ. The doctor says βIβm afraid you are a trifle deafβ.
I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden
What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.
Ice cream is exquisiteβ¦ βwhat a pity it isnβt illegal.
The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adamβs banana.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because itβs too hard to put them on the bottom!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When itβs been sliced.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charleyβs death? BEN and JERRY.
Donβt eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you wonβt be able to budge.
You know youβre a mom ifβ¦ Popsicles have become a staple food.
Mexican candy makes my taste buds say βOLE!β
FORGET LOVEβ¦ Iβ
... keep reading on reddit β‘