I pity the tool!
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandondsantos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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I pity the fool who doesnt get this pun!!
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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My name is Tyler. Yesterday I got an email addressed to β€œYler”. I pity the fool who makes a mistake like that.

Because he Missed-A-T.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tylerjarvis
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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It’s a pity they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby,

since he’s both Green Lantern and Deadpool

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joespofforth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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I pity the flue imgur.com/vRfGUmC
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fennec3x5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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Please have pity
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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I pity the people who have never had a date before...

I mean, they're excellent sources of protein, fiber, and good cholesterol.

(I was talking about the fruit)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Where do fishes work???.....in the Offish (*1 pity upvote)
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananasplitz14
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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It's a pity we won't seymour Hoffman
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2014
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Pity there are only a few Sheep cards in Magic the Gathering...

I could have made a Commander Shepard deck.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SunBorne187
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2017
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It's a pity the new female Medical Examiner will never get pregnant

Because nobody puts baby in a coroner.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigoldgeek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2015
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My teenage daughter was walking around the house with her comforter over her head, wallowing in self-pity

I told her "sorry you're feeling down".

She said I'm stupid.

In other words, I won.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VinceCully
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2016
🚨︎ report
BEE-ware of the WASP
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nis_sama
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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ton fils sΓ©rieux?
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Thousand and thousands of years ago, during the last ice age, there lived an animal that excelled at trigonometry, geometry, and could recite Pi to 100 decimal places. It was known simply as.....

.....the mammothematician.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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My dog likes to whine, he thinks its pitiful.

In reality, it just sounds paw-thetic.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrugglingGhost
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyPizza666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Did you hear what Mr.T said about the thirsty British impersonators?

I pity the fool who missed their tea!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/likeasirjohn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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The Last Sucka.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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My SO gave me a pitying look when I said β€˜ look Canadian bras. What are Dees ey?’
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Have you heard that joke about the peach?

It’s probably best that you didn’t, it’s pretty pitiful

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Akorical
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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I met mr. T and I was very disappointed!

He offered me coffee.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyNetF1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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When you see a panda doing martial arts

You just don't get surprised, you also get bamboozled

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do judges like to wear?

A law suit

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkippTheRipper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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When I was walking down the street, I ran into a celebrity with a Mohawk and jewelry. He looked at me and said, β€œI piy the fool!”

I said, β€œHey, you missed a T.”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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I’ve always felt bad for the silverfish

Sure, I know they’re disgusting little bugs. But I started taking pity on the little guys after they only came in second in this poll of people’s favorite animals.

The winner, of course, was the goldfish.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jweiss10
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Hope my "Mr T" mask stops Coronavirus, they were all sold out of "Face" masks.

GTF bot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasthetanker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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Foiled it.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rvghteous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
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What do you call the space between apps?

Gapps.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolluphill
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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A couple is divorcing in court, and they are fighting for custody of their only child:

The woman tries to pity the judge: -Judge, I carried this child 9 months in my belly, it is the flesh of my flesh and it comes directly to me! The judge is moved and says: -Right mam, but now, lets listen to your husband's arguments. The man prefers to use his pragmatic side, and says: -Judge, when I put my coin in the vending machine,Is the can mine or is it to the machine?

πŸ‘︎ 327
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elouan_lrch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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What do you call a restroom for sad people?

A pity potty

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dragontail
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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What kind of trees have the most friends?

Poplar

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuietGiantWRX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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I tried to take a picture of the fog

I mist

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PNW_smoketastic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
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A husband comes home and finds his amputee wife lying in the bathtub with the shower head on, crying.

He feels pity at the sight and asks "What's wrong, love?" She turns to him and says "I can't stand showering without my legs"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironfist221
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My penis is like a dad joke.

Predictable, disappointing and people only laugh out of pity.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tokioka
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman named Falacy walks into a bar...

A woman walks into a bar and takes a seat. The bartender asks what she wants to drink and her name, "Falacy" she responds despondently.

"What's got you down, Falacy?" he asks.

"I had a terrible day, my dog threw up all over my shoes this morning, got fired from my job and my car broke down on the way home. To make matters worse as I trudged over to this bar it started pouring it down with rain."

The bartender looks her up and down pitifully.

"That's pathetic, Falacy"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horrisyodo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How many bags of wool did Baba give Mr. T?

Three bags fool!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UndeadVudu_12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
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What did Mr T say on Chinese New Year?

I pity the 福

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/izzydoesizzy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Artist pun thread Gogh!

Doesn't work if you're British because they pronounce it "goff" not "go" but I'll stop being a buzzkill. We need your best artist puns now!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supremecrafters
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2014
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Dad joked my boss today

I was given some paperwork to sign today. When I handed it back to my boss, she asked, "Can you date them?"

"That's a little forward. We just met, and they didn't really make a great first impression."

Pity laughter followed.

πŸ‘︎ 996
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soyrobo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Mr. T visited my local Vietnamese restaurant.

I pity the pho.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumpdawg88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know... The 'A-Team' van was the world's first electric vehicle?

... we know this because Mr T pities the fuel

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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"I'm A Frayed Knot"

When People Tell Me That Joke, I Never Know What To Say. I'm Absolutely Tongue Tied. Which Is A Pity, Since It Takes Two To Tangle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AppsPotato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Kidnapping??

He woke up.......

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imtheMiz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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Lately, my wife has been getting on my case and saying that I’m being β€œintense”

So, naturally, my only response has been to adopt a pitiful look and steeple my hands above my head until she rolls her eyes and walks off!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparkyd34
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Blood Test

I now have so much respect for all the jokes in here,

So i just became a dad on Friday to a beautiful baby girl and my story goes like this.

Today a Midwife came into the room where my wife and I were and started with a speech " Hi my name is !editingoutinfo! I was wondering if i can take a blood sample from the baby, It's voluntary, it's for statistics and it gets sent out to a lab and they test for all rare conditions, they are going to test her genes and..."

At which point i stopped her and said "we haven't got any jeans for her, everyone has been buying her pink dresses"

she gave me a pity laugh and said "ohh the dad jokes are starting already"

What is happening to me?

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randazz0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad's name is Eugene...

... But he goes by Gene. Whenever one of my friends would greet him "Hi, Gene!" He would say "Don't get personal with me."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrambo
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
🚨︎ report

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