He just didn’t cut it.
My thoughts are with his family.
They throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
There's no plaque.
Wear two
Me: "No it doesn't".
Remains to be seen.
He won the no-bell prize!
..you can hide but you can’t run.
Because he didn't see that well.
He's a small arms dealer
You can hide, but you can’t run!
I hope you’re happy
Turns out they had a lot of trouble putting him in his coffin. Because everytime they put his right leg in, he put his right leg out.
Bob
Dad: "Wrong, son. He was just taking a political stand."
Sorry, wrong sub.
She couldn’t control her pupils.
What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
That was the punchline...
Some of it's pretty mortyfying
He’s all right now
His vacation went off without a hitch.
Kurt and Rod
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
Either way, the silver bullets worked.
It was a wanton wonton
...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.
Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. “What IS that?” “That’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.
Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.
The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, “That’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, “No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.
He only lives a stone's throw away
A cab, and quick
“Thanks for nothing.”
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."
Damn, that shit was on another level
He even used to be a comic
My thoughts are with his family.
That was the punchline
