"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
I said, “Who is this guy?”
My grandfather: That’s my hip replacement.
My thoughts are with his family.
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."
Waterway to get stuck
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
He just didn’t cut it.
“Is that a fret?!"
He’s all right now.
Nice funeral and all, but they had a horrible time getting him in the casket. You know when they tried to put the right arm in....
Evidently, it is enough to make a Mango crazy
He got 12 months!
Turns out he was in cider trading
He's 0K now.
They were able to place the casket in the grave after the third attempt.
A lady came up to me and said 'Aren't you going to stop them?'
I said 'No. That's not my stile.'
They caught him by the organ.
he was lucky it was a soft drink
“You just haven’t been cutting it lately.”
Namaste.
When anybody with half a brain clearly knows he has a Ryzen
Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"
[removed]
I hate long good buys.
..."ugh! People are so quick to take a fence these days"
Tony
You can hide, but you can't run!
He did it on porpoise.
It was a sign.
So I went outside and threw it in the sewer
Either way, the silver bullets worked.
I said "It's a long story".
He now knows the taste of defeet
I asked him about it and that was a mistake. He just kept droning on and on!
He won a Nobel prize.
Bob.
He got the NObell price
I have no idea when they’re going to resurface.
It just goes to show, you can't have your kayak and heat it too!
One gets incarcerated, the other is in-car-serrated
My thoughts are with his family.
My thoughts are with his family.
