She won't let the other guys score
My kid wanted to talk to ghosts; we found three guys willing to intervene. One was very tall, one was very short and the other was mid-sized.
I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.
Some guy told me the other day that he is a "grower". I asked him to explain what that meant.
He gave me the long and short of it.
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand-new Rolex."
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
What did one French man say to the other French guy.
I don’t know. I don’t speak French.
I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of cheddar at me.
Outraged, I shouted : "Well that's not very mature is it ?"
A man was attacked by a guy with an upholstery nail gun the other day.
He's okay. He's recovered now.
So I was on a flight the other day when they guy next to me asked me if I heard of “bird strikes.”
I honestly didn’t think they could hold signs.
Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...
There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area
I saw a french guy playing with his dog at the beach the other day
Some guy injected my dog with napalm the other day.
I think he was Vietnam vet.
I had a guy come up to me at the store the other day as I was browsing the candy section and proclaimed "I refuse to eat Werther's originals!" Confused, I asked "Why's that?"
To get a girl, some guys use pick up lines. Others rely on the attraction of their car
So I figure a pick up truck should cover both bases
I was having an argument and the other guy went off on a tangent
I said: Hey, man, whats your angle?!
I met a Dutch guy with inflatable shoes the other day and arranged to have dinner with him
Unfortunately he popped his clogs
Two chinese guys break into a distillery, one asks the other ‘is this whisky?’’
The other replied ‘yes, but not as whisky as wobbing a bank’
I was walking down the street the other day and a guy threw milk, yogurt and cheese at me..
I just thought how dairy.
I saw that Dirty Jobs guy the other day, and I said hi, expecting a reply
Instead he gave me a microwave.
To the guy who stole my antidepressants the other day.
I met the guy who invented windowsills the other day
“Dad, I heard that the only way you guys could communicate with each other when you were young was landlines and snail mail.”
Dad: No, you better get your fax straight.
The guy who invented the USB died the other day.
When the coffin was lowered they realized that it was the other way around, so they took it up, turned it and inserted it correctly
This bald guy walked in to my work the other day JUST to say this:
Him: Is there any tattooists in town?
Me: Fairly sure there is one guy about 10 minutes out...?
Him: Oh good! 'Cause I want him to tattoo a rabbit on the top of my head.
Me: ..Why...?
Him: 'Cause then someone might mistake it for a hare!
He giggled his way out
Had colonoscopy the other day and laid this one on the doctors while waiting to pass out: I'm gonna put you guys down in my resume as references.
You are the only people who really know me inside out.
The other day, I saw a guy pooping on a car in a parking lot.
If you ask me, that's really fowl behavior.
Why was Thor mad at the guy quietly chilling at the other side of the bar?
Two guys are talking about life and one asks the other, “so, what do you do?” The other guy says “I own a chocolate factory and employ a bunch of oompah loompas”
The first guy replies, “Oh, Willy?”
Did I tell you guys about the extremely rude cactus I met the other day?
Belle shouldn't have chosen the Beast. The other guy was a much better cook.
He had experience in molecular Gastonomy.
My Dad went out with a couple of guys called Barry Allen the other night.
He said it turned into a flash mob.
What did the frat guy say when the other frat guy offered him a pamphlet?
Saw a guy with one arm fishing the other day
He caught a fish this big
You guys hear about the two inmates who grew quite fond of each other?
It was just two cell mates who felon love
Walking my two Jack Russell Terriers the other day, and I bump into a guy who asks "Are those Jack Russells?"
Two guys were fighting. One with a whisk, the other with a beater.
They were having an eggs utensil conflict
My dad has an Instagram account. He posted this the other day and I thought you guys would enjoy.
Link to screenshot of photo
For those of you who don't click the link; it's a picture of my dad with a big piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear. The caption reads: I went to the doctor because of an ear problem. The doctor said, "It appears as though you have lettuce in your ear."
"Oh no," I said, "Is it serious?"
"Sorry but," the doctor said, "I'm afraid it's only the tip of the iceberg!"
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand new Rolex."
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