She won't let the other guys score
πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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My kid wanted to talk to ghosts; we found three guys willing to intervene. One was very tall, one was very short and the other was mid-sized.

I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwarvenfriend
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Some guy told me the other day that he is a "grower". I asked him to explain what that meant.

He gave me the long and short of it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crusty_Loafer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...

..it's a brand-new Rolex."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wIXMamamama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.

Beanstalked is a serious matter.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VateauxII
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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What did one French man say to the other French guy.

I don’t know. I don’t speak French.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of cheddar at me.

Outraged, I shouted : "Well that's not very mature is it ?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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A man was attacked by a guy with an upholstery nail gun the other day.

He's okay. He's recovered now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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So I was on a flight the other day when they guy next to me asked me if I heard of β€œbird strikes.”

I honestly didn’t think they could hold signs.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...

There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mittenshape
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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I saw a french guy playing with his dog at the beach the other day

He was a frenching beach

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyCrow07
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Some guy injected my dog with napalm the other day.

I think he was Vietnam vet.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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I had a guy come up to me at the store the other day as I was browsing the candy section and proclaimed "I refuse to eat Werther's originals!" Confused, I asked "Why's that?"

"I have my Riesens!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeexterminator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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To get a girl, some guys use pick up lines. Others rely on the attraction of their car

So I figure a pick up truck should cover both bases

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I was having an argument and the other guy went off on a tangent

I said: Hey, man, whats your angle?!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poops-n-farts
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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I met a Dutch guy with inflatable shoes the other day and arranged to have dinner with him

Unfortunately he popped his clogs

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andysood1980
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Two chinese guys break into a distillery, one asks the other β€˜is this whisky?’’

The other replied β€˜yes, but not as whisky as wobbing a bank’

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasM__
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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I was walking down the street the other day and a guy threw milk, yogurt and cheese at me..

I just thought how dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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I saw that Dirty Jobs guy the other day, and I said hi, expecting a reply

Instead he gave me a microwave.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyco_brahe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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To the guy who stole my antidepressants the other day.

I hope you’re happy now.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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I met the guy who invented windowsills the other day

What a ledge

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jwebbs7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, I heard that the only way you guys could communicate with each other when you were young was landlines and snail mail.”

Dad: No, you better get your fax straight.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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The guy who invented the USB died the other day.

When the coffin was lowered they realized that it was the other way around, so they took it up, turned it and inserted it correctly

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riobob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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This bald guy walked in to my work the other day JUST to say this:

Him: Is there any tattooists in town? Me: Fairly sure there is one guy about 10 minutes out...? Him: Oh good! 'Cause I want him to tattoo a rabbit on the top of my head. Me: ..Why...? Him: 'Cause then someone might mistake it for a hare!

He giggled his way out

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dendens
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
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Had colonoscopy the other day and laid this one on the doctors while waiting to pass out: I'm gonna put you guys down in my resume as references.

You are the only people who really know me inside out.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenef
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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The other day, I saw a guy pooping on a car in a parking lot.

If you ask me, that's really fowl behavior.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massivevivid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Thor mad at the guy quietly chilling at the other side of the bar?

He was too low key.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/divB_is_zero
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
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Two guys are talking about life and one asks the other, β€œso, what do you do?” The other guy says β€œI own a chocolate factory and employ a bunch of oompah loompas”

The first guy replies, β€œOh, Willy?”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chickmagnick05
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Did I tell you guys about the extremely rude cactus I met the other day?

He was a real prick.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t3rrapins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Belle shouldn't have chosen the Beast. The other guy was a much better cook.

He had experience in molecular Gastonomy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marimbawe
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dad went out with a couple of guys called Barry Allen the other night.

He said it turned into a flash mob.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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What did the frat guy say when the other frat guy offered him a pamphlet?

Brochure.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisKidsAlright
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Saw a guy with one arm fishing the other day

He caught a fish this big

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebiofuel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
🚨︎ report
You guys hear about the two inmates who grew quite fond of each other?

It was just two cell mates who felon love

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePootKnocker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Walking my two Jack Russell Terriers the other day, and I bump into a guy who asks "Are those Jack Russells?"

"No mate, they're mine."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/threepwood384
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
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Two guys were fighting. One with a whisk, the other with a beater.

They were having an eggs utensil conflict

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/naking
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad has an Instagram account. He posted this the other day and I thought you guys would enjoy.

Link to screenshot of photo

For those of you who don't click the link; it's a picture of my dad with a big piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear. The caption reads: I went to the doctor because of an ear problem. The doctor said, "It appears as though you have lettuce in your ear." "Oh no," I said, "Is it serious?" "Sorry but," the doctor said, "I'm afraid it's only the tip of the iceberg!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mekkasheeba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
🚨︎ report
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...

..it's a brand new Rolex."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wIXMamamama
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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