Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
I said, “Who is this guy?”
My grandfather: That’s my hip replacement.
My thoughts are with his family.
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
But he hesitated
I was outraged.
He’s fully recovered now.
(Credit to Colin Mochrie)
I haven't touched it in years.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."
..and the 4th one ducks.
He just didn’t cut it.
Book Mark
Waterway to get stuck
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
and he was disqualified from the limbo contest."
“Is that a fret?!"
He’s all right now.
total legend
Nice funeral and all, but they had a horrible time getting him in the casket. You know when they tried to put the right arm in....
He seams legit.
Since then, he's living in a flat.
It was in-tens.
But they're in high demand
Evidently, it is enough to make a Mango crazy
And then a chair, and then a table
I'd say it's a perfect 5/7
After a while, the left handed guy realized that the other guy was right, so he left.
Dutch crunch, ham, turkey, provolone, tomato, sprouts, and honey mustard.
Oh, sorry, wrong sub.
He hasn’t
He got 12 months!
His name was Chuck.
I just didn't like the way he was looking at me
My thoughts are with his family.
