Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
Dude 2: “Brochure”
I was at the store yesterday and some dude threw a jug of milk at my head
How dairy
I was surprised to see The Dude at the Inauguration
But then I realized he was a Biden.
My friend wasn't happy with his new car, so I said "Dude, just roll with it".
I met an awesome dude today, he was way into mushrooms
He was a fungi
I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.
He was sailing on the seven C’s
2018: « Yo, dude, get woke. » 2019: « C'me on, get woke, it's 2019 ! » 2020: «... Hi. Well you could get e-woke I guess. »
What do you call a dude with no arms and no legs who...
...hangs on a wall?
Art
...goes for a swim?
Bob
...sits on a porch?
Matt
...lies in a ditch?
Phil
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said “ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said
Bud-wei-ser?
Damn i'm now convinced Putin poisoned the dude
The biggest celeb i met while grocery shopping! Dude lost a lotta weight since Fight Club.
What do you call a room full of dudes that like honey?
The bro-hive
what did the dude say when they invented refrigeration?
Well that's pretty cool!
How do you find a blind dude at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
Dude, I just came back from the doctors! He said I have rectal necrosis!
"Deadass?""
Me: Dude! Come with me to the storage! I organized all the philosophy theses into plastic boxes with hanging files!
Unimpressed Friend: So, Crates...
Caught a couple dudes beating up a little kid , so I stepped in to help .
Little bastard didn’t stand a chance against the three of us !
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.
As a spanish speaking dude I really appreciate when people approach me and say "mucho".
It means a lot to me.
Two rich dudes were hanging out in a bar. One said to the other, "Hey, you wanna come to my square island?"
The other responded "Four shore!"
Two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're
Responsible
A blind dude took a trip to Germany,
Call that shit not-see Germany
Three dudes walked into a bank wearing masks, and everybody freaked out.
They said, "This is a robbery," and everybody relaxed a little.
What is the wealthy dude who makes bread on YouTube called?
Mr Yeast
This dude got really pissed at me for drawing a gun on him today
He said he's seen better and asked me to draw it again.
Did you see the final episode of that new Netflix series about the dude who couldn't stop buying himself gifts!?
Spoiler alert
What did the dude said when he crapped on the elevator
I’m about to take this shit to another level
