Just think about a calcu-forth
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nis_sama
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"

"Country!"

πŸ‘︎ 588
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
And the Lord said unto John, β€œCome forth and you will receive eternal life.”

But John came fifth - and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Jesus told Peter, "Come forth and ye shall have eternal life"

But Peter came fifth and won a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImmaMess13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...

Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketCornbread
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
And Jesus said "come forth and win the kingdom of heaven!"

But I came 5th and won a teapot.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a very well groomed garden ornament that perpetually rocks back and forth in perfect rhythm

It's a metro-gnome

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Brother Maynard, bring forth the ...
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MeButNotMeToo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Stan Lee says go forth and fill the void
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/D4FF00
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I teach elementary special Ed, and my co-teacher and I joke back and forth all day. This is our most recent best.

Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.

Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?

Co-teacher: He couldn't say.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/penigmatic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.

So Noah asked them, ”Why aren’t you multiplying?”

The snakes replied, β€œWe can’t, we’re adders.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
So I found this talking train and asked it why it just went back and forth on the same tracks for its whole life. It responded saying β€œthe voices in my head tell me to”.

It was a loco motive

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGunslinger215
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Back and forth with my 9 year old.

Me- Archer, did you have a cookie? A- no Me- grab a cookie and name it yours. A- I take this cookie and name it Yours. (A couple seconds go by. ) A- papa? Me- yeah bud. A- I gave my cookie a name. I can’t eat it... can I have another? (Failed winking)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeoshua82
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Yo-Yo Ma goes back and forth on a string.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nemo_sum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
The floods had subsided, and Noah had safely landed his ark on Mount Sinai. "Go forth and multiply!" he told the animals...

...and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants.

Then he heard something he didn't recognise… a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw.

"What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!"

"Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're adders… so we have to use logs."

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bittibitti
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
And god said go forth and multiply... except for snakes

Because they’re adders...

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HookDragger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a fishmonger with a trout flopping back and forth under his arm and asks "Do you do fishcakes?"

Pointing at the fish, "Cos it's his birthday."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skubbags
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dad got the milk out of the fridge and starting waving it back and forth in front of my face...

Dad: What's that?

Me: I don't know

Dad: It's past-your-eyes milk

Me: Groans

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBossyHobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Just had this back and forth with my co-worker. Her husband works in explosives.

Me: seems appropriate for you and yours: http://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/32gzy7/what_was_the_secret_to_the_miners_success/ Her: That’s a dynamite answer! Me: I noticed the explosion of laughter over there Her: Rock on! Me: gold-standard of jokes here Her: so precious Me: digging deep on that one Her: pickin away one at a time Me: we have definitely hit the pay dirt of mining puns Her: definite Honey Hole here! Me: not sure that joke bee-longs here Her: you are a total BUZZZZZZ kill Me: comb on it wasn’t that bad

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeanzelini
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Jesus said unto John. Come forth and receive eternal life.

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JSmithy46
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
And god said to John β€œcome forth and ye shall receive eternal life.”

But John came in fifth and only got a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
And god said to John, come forth and receive eternal life

But he cane fifth and won a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dildo_Swaginns
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
...and God said "come forth and I will grant you eternal life."

But I came fifth and just got a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
And Jesus said "Come forth and receive eternal life."

But Peter came in fifth and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kennedystyle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
And the Lord said unto John: Come forth and you will receive eternal life.

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
God said to John " come forth and receive eternal life"

But he came fifth and won a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pg13saisgoodbye
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
The Lord said to John: Come forth and receive eternal life.

But, John came 5th and got a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryjam5151
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Jesus said "come forth and receive eternal life"

But Paul came fifth and got a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkTheBag112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The Lord told John to come forth and he will receive eternal life

He came fifth and got a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarinreach-L
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
And god said to John come forth and receive eternal life

But he came fifth and won a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/camilodmoreno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The lord told John to come forth and he shall have eternal life.

But he came in fifth and got a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Noobmaster69696
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
And the Lord said onto John " Come Forth and ye shall receive eternal life."

But sadly John came in fifth and only received a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stewie19
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life".

John came fifth and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Then God said to John "Come forth and receive eternal life"

He came fifth and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryuushinng
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Jesus said, come forth and I'll give you eternal life

Peter came fifth and he won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wayne80s
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply…

After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.

So Noah asked them,”Why aren’t you multiplying?”

The snakes replied, β€œWe can’t, we’re adders.”

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
🚨︎ report
And the Lord said unto John; "Come forth and receive eternal life!"

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MsCynical
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
*...and the Lord said unto John, "Go forth and you shall have eternal life."*

....but John got fifth and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
🚨︎ report
God said "Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life"

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porkification
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2016
🚨︎ report
And The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life"

...but John came in fifth and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Jesus said come forth my son

But I tripped and came fifth

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Braddles05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.