A ball is flying towards me
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
I was stood in a field the other day wondering why the frisbee coming towards me was getting bigger
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
This is another step towards greatness
π︎ 100
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
Why did the chess player worried towards the end of his meal in a restaurant?
Because the waiter said, "CHECK?"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: βUgh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.β
βThat was pepper spray.β
Got me!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
My friend has a strong prejudice towards people who have no feet...
I think heβs lack-toes intolerant.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
Hurricane Marco is headed towards land
Hurricane polo is nowhere in sight
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
My mom told me the first step towards recovery is admitting your fault
So I asked if thatβs why people are admitted to the hospital
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
Lately, Iβve grown increasingly apathetic towards eating vegetables
Some days, I just donβt carrot all
π︎ 25
π
︎ May 24 2020
I put a new shelf towards the top of my fridge
The steaks have never been higher
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like sheβs preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
π︎ 26
π
︎ May 13 2020
I don't understand all this hate towards non traditional number systems
I for 1, love Roman numerals.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Mar 31 2020
I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.
For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
Has anyone heard about the new feature on computers to pander toward the newer generation?
It's called Ctrl-ALT-YEET.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 05 2020
Why were people running towards Finland?
It was a race to the Finnish.
π︎ 67
π
︎ Dec 15 2019
I saw this odd guy walking towards the cemetery with a shovel...
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 04 2020
What do you call bigotry toward toeless people?
π︎ 29
π
︎ Dec 28 2019
Dad, is that a buffalo running right towards us?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 30 2019
As I stared at the hot water flowing towards my shower drain I realized something.
It's all downhill from here.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
Ever since I lost my toes in a climbing accident, my best friend has been acting hostile towards me...
I guess he is lack-toes intolerant
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 29 2019
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 03 2019
I wrote a book about Nemo and his rage towards plastic. It's calledβ¦
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 04 2019
As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"
"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 07 2019
My wife and I went on a trip to Cuba to stay at a few different places. By the end of week 2, we were walking barefoot across a beach, nearly dying of thirst and exhausted. We were wondering if we'd make it home, until I spotted a server holding some drinks. We sprinted towards her and drank both.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 23 2019
Why did the horse start walking towards the water?
Because he wanted to be a seahorse.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 11 2019
What's the difference in a duck descending towards land vs a duck descending towards water?
One is going to land on land, but the other won't water on water.
...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 15 2019
As I was rowing my boat towards the shore, a small black bird stopped me from docking.
Quoth the raven, βNever moor.β
π︎ 16
π
︎ Mar 25 2019
Steps toward a great joke.
I really have two left feet when it comes to labeling pictures. https://imgur.com/gallery/XCm5FH6
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 26 2019
Towards the end of December, I saw Bobby Fischer and Gary Kasparov in a hotel lobby, both saying they were the better chess player.
That's the best thing about Christmas - chess nuts boasting on an open foyer.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 18 2019
I had just come home from work when my wife ran towards me and tore off her clothes.
At that moment my wife flashed before my eyes.
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 05 2019
I have have managed to save $10 towards a large sack of raisins.
It's in my current account.
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 17 2019
My alcohol is rude towards me
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 07 2019
The Government is pushing us towards a cashless society. But I won't stand for it...
π︎ 83
π
︎ Oct 30 2017
It is my second year towards my cosmetology degree, and Iβm starting to get a little worried.
When are we going to learn about space?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jul 02 2018
My dog was rolling around in a blanket, then I came into the room, he ran right towards me
but his hair was sticking up on end, I guess he is ecstatic to see me
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 28 2019
I threw a firecracker towards a dart board.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 19 2019
I recently gave a lecture instructing people how to give directions by violently thrusting their arm towards the intended destination.
It was a PowerPoint presentation.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 28 2018
What do you see, when you hold a bottle of Mexican beer towards the sun during a solar eclipse?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 07 2019
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool
I gave him a glass of water
π︎ 59
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
Today a man came to my house and asked for a small donation towards a local swimming pool
I gave him a glass of water
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 28 2020
Today I had someone knock on my door asking for small donations towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water
π︎ 767
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill.
Looks like she is preparing some kind of barbie queue.
π︎ 166
π
︎ Jan 15 2019
Somebody just knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
So I gave him a glass of water!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 19 2019
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
π︎ 639
π
︎ Apr 01 2017
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