After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and still he kept it beside him the rest of his life...

...he just couldn't part with it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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I was walking past a shop, and there was a classic bomb in the window Beside it was a sign that read "$1, irreplaceable fuse"

I said to myself "That's an offer I can't refuse"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Secretseacrits549
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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My friend asked if I could explain what the land beside the sea was.

I replied, "Shore."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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What did the horse say to the horse in the stall beside him?

β€œHay Neigh-bor!”

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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The grocery stores are bare right now besides some greens.

Only the lettuce romaine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thrillho333
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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The Grim Reaper appeared in beside me when I was chopping up some carrots in my kitchen.

He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me. Very scary when you are dicing with death.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach

But he was pretty shore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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I asked my personal trainer for another way to work my trapezius muscles besides doing pull downs...

He shrugged and walked away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, β€œHoney, can you hear me?” No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, β€œHoney, can you hear me?” Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,

β€œHoney, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, β€œFor the third time, yes I can hear you!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gho5ly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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Sitting beside my girlfriend I said, "I love you."

She asked: "Is that you or the beer talking?"

I said: "It's just me talking to the beer."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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An atom turns to the atom beside him and tells it a great joke but the other atom doesn't even giggle...

It was no laughing matter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imalilfatgirl
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?

I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Why did the wild ox refuse to eat anything besides gluten free sandwiches?

He was a silly yak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fonebone45
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I want to thank everyone who were always right beside me...

..on the other hand, also the one who never left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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If I had a cloning machine, I'd be beside myself.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2017
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Yesterday I witnesseded a very odd behaviour of a shark, it just swam beside other fish without any intention to harm it

I think it followed ocean's ethical cod.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oded_Gendelman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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What is the only other situation in which you can say, β€œI see the sea!”, besides actually looking at the sea?

In an eye test I guess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Regorius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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A car pulled up beside me at the side of the road.

Its driver said, "Excuse me, buddy. I was wondering if you could give me a few directions?"

"Sure...North West and South East," I replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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While visiting family for Thanksgiving, my wife and I saw a nice bicycle laying, unlocked, beside a tree across the street.

Wife: Huh, looks like someone left their bike there.
Someauthor: No, no. It's lying down because it's two-tired.
Wife: uughhhh
Someauthor's Dad: Nice! That was a really good one, well done.
Wife: uugghhhhhhh (with deeper agony)
Someauthor: I think I leveled up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/someauthor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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My dad and I were watching basketball the other day when his dog (Sophie) hopped up onto the couch beside him. He turned to her and said, "Who are you rooting for Sophie? The underDOG??!!!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lissylou22
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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Besides watermelon, there should be windmelon, firemelon and earthmelon.

The four elemelons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leutnant13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2014
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What country besides US and Canada celebrates Thanksgiving?

Turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bake-ohn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
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Twofer: How many seconds are in a year? Besides Tuesday and Thursday what other days start with T?

"You don't know how many seconds are in a year off the top of your head? 12. Jan2 feb2 ....."

"Today and Tomorrow...."

These two got laid on me by the chef at my work cafeteria. The cashier aka crazy Lisa was in stitches making him tell everyone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/limberbutton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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My daughter won't eat anything besides her boogers...

She's a picky eater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatwaffleskid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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It's beside the point
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IgnorantMass
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2014
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Me and my girlfriend walking beside a concrete wall

We were on a holiday in Spain and we saw a concrete wall guarding a yard at someone's house. On top of the wall the owner had clued broken bottles in stead of barbed wire.

Me and my girlfriend were shocked and I said "I can't believe someone would do this."

"I Just can't get over this..."

she didn't realise until I said

"it would just hurt me too much."

Proud moment...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/larusthor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2016
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Today while on a steep upslope during a hike my son was walking up the shale rock beside the path with some difficulty. In frustration he shouted, "Why am I doing this?" And I responded...

"Well, recently didn't you say you wanted to live a bolder life?" Zing!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2016
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