I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Watch batteries fitted, £2.50."
I thought “Why would anyone pay to see that?”
I had a neck brace fitted years ago...
And I've never looked back since
Edit: spelling
Have You Ever Tried to Fold a Fitted Sheet?
Just fitted a new door lock
Why did the foetus have a Velux window fitted?
They wanted a womb with a view!
TIL: Amazon has come out with a new service where they will deliver custom fitted shirts to your home within 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
I went to a prosthetic doctor to get fitted for a left arm and leg.
When I went to pick them up, the doctor gave me a right arm and right leg instead.
Me: Hey doc! You gave me the wrong limbs!
Doctor: Nah, you're all right.
Why did the man who had experimental plastic dentures fitted see the world differently?
Because he had new Perspex teeth!
What do you call a sheet set where the fitted sheet doesn’t match the flat sheet?
Why didn't the emu like being fitted for new clothes?
Because they ostrichsized him.
Vegetables and fitness puns
My kid's school is having a jogaton to raise money for the schools garden. I thought the kids would get a kick out of some funny motivational posters with vegetable/herbs/fruits puns. Please help me Reddit as I'm not nearly as creative as you.
I feel like this meme fits in here.
Would better fit here, original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Would better fit here, [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
How do you fit an Elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the ‘S’ out of Safe and the ‘F’ out of way!
My wife told me today, "Look, I've had this since high school and it still fits me."
Me: "Yeah!!! It's a scarf. "
How did Noah fit 2 of every animal in a single boat ?
State-of-the-Ark technology
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
Did you know Cardi B has a sister who’s a fitness instructor?
It’s a little known fact that Gaius Julius Caesar suffered from epileptic fits.
Also known as a Julius Seizure.
My dog started gnawing on something and immediately started having a sneezing fit
That's the last time I buy achoo toy.
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
If you suffer from sneezing fits, DO NOT make an appointment with...
My cousin is trying to fit the most elephants, geese and bulls ever in a vintage music shop.
He's breaking all sorts of records.
Did you hear about the sea captain that went in for a hat fitting at the local haberdashery during rough seas?
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, “now my package isn’t coming for another 5 days!”
I replied, now you know how I feel.
A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........
.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'
What do you call a loose fitting dress on a cow?
>A MOO MOO!
<<Thanks folks! I'm here all week! Don't forget to tip your cows!>>
Hi! What do you call a physically fit grains farmer?
How did women in the 16th century stay fit?
They worked their core-set
I've been doing a series of 'misinterpreted song lyrics', I think most of them would fit here...
I imagine when Microsoft's co-founder Mr.Gates gets a suit tailored, they must fit him perfectly.
They have to fit the Bill.
I lost 15 pounds on my Wii Fit
It was the best trade-in deal I could find
I think it fits in this subreddit
How many birds can fit in a cage at once
My wife watches a fitness tv show from Barbados
It's the Pilates of the Caribbean
What do you get when you combine a porcupine and a turtle?
A slowpoke!
*a friend of mine told me this and I thought it would fit well here
i had a neck brace fitted years ago...
I had a neck brace fitted three years ago.
I haven’t looked back since.
I had a neck brace fitted years ago.
I’ve never looked back since!
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