Posthummus.
Friggin' spoiled brats
This happened last February while my mom was about to prepare some lunch.
Mom: This hummus is dated 2-03-13 but I guess it's okay...
Dad: Well your face is dated 2-12-1964 but you don't see us complaining.
I said "no, I think they're supposed to smell like that."
Woo! Tang is forever!
Call it a gut feeling.
It sure tasted foul
You’ll falafel.
He died of old adage...
Now they're sending me threatening letters!
It would be mayo nice.
You put it out to Pasteur.
...gonna call it Best By.
I found a recipe in a magazine but I wasn't sure about it because the recipe calls for thyme and a bunch of other spices. I had them all, but unfortunately they were all expired. I decided to make them anyways, took them to a party, and they ended up all being eaten, everyone thought they were delicious. I guess what they say is true.
People love that old thyme Moroccan roll.
Immediately after I felt sick and had a vowel movement. I better be careful because my next dump might spell disaster.
The steaks have never been higher.
Choco late
because the sink might be Kellogged...
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “That should be easy. Next to the sage.”
The worrying has really been wheying on me.
I'll see myself out.
edit: a word
I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.
If they’re pasta expiration date.
I guess you could say things are getting pretty sirius.
I'm looking for the expiration date.
"Did you go on an expiration date?"
She asked how you can tell if a date has gone bad.
I said usually the first sign is a lack of conversation.
Sorry.
^Also ^^what ^^^are ^^^^you ^^^^^doing ^^^^^^in ^^^^^^^my ^^^^^^^^bathroom???
Yesterday while cleaning the kitchen and throwing out old stuff from the freezer, I put a set of coupons for Harvey's restaurant in there.
This morning I got up and they were on top of the fridge. I asked my wife if she'd removed them and she said she thought they fell in there by accident.
"No," I said, "I didn't want them to expire."
It was a silent expired mint.
I didn’t mean to. But apparently egg season ended yesterday and my hunting license expired. Who knew.
So my dad (known as gramps) has taken my kids for a week for a fun summer vacation. While they were all eating at a restaurant, he texted me a conversation that took place:
Kid: "How do I know when my chocolate milk has expired?"
Gramps: "Look at the cap."
Kid: "Wow, they got this at best by!"
I said, “No, I think most kids smell that way.”
