I tried 2 short of a dozen puns to impress her...

No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theEndWasShit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
At least half a dozen puns...
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterbatingGoat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
🚨︎ report
I went to the beekeeper to get a dozen bees. When he gave me the bag, I counted 13, so I said β€œoops, you gave me an extra-β€œ

He said β€œNah, that’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the baker throw in a dozen lemons to his bread mix?

He wanted to make sour dough.

What did Homer Simpson say when he tried a slice of it?

This is sour, doh!

Source: Bread Jokes

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the priest who was admitted into the hospital with over two dozen little plastic horses lodged in his rectum.

Doctors say he is in stable condition.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgsalinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Me: I me this girl with a dozen breasts My friend: that sounds strange...

Me: dozen tit?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthstrings
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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Dozen tit??lol
πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michellelee54441
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
what do you call a dozen girls named monica that produce music?

a harmonica

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrome_sus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Just had about a dozen crows land in a tree near me

I'm getting real sick of this Corvid pandemic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpartansATTACK
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into an apiary and asks the beekeeper for a dozen bees.

The beekeeper replies: "Sure, and I'll throw in the 13th as a freebie..."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitya04
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...

so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpep0469
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œBack in the day...” my dad started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...

β€œWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If you take a dozen cows and get rid of two you'll have nine

There would be 10 but they lacked 8

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I submitted nearly a dozen entries to a dad joke competition, hoping one would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BubzTheDeranged
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Beekeeper's dozen.
πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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A programmer gets sent to the store by his wife. His wife says, β€œGet a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”

The programmer returns home with 12 gallons of milk and says, β€œThey had eggs.”

edit: I know guys, I know, it’s supposed to be 13, I messed up the wording, please forgive me

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManicMonocle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. β€œ13?”, the scientist asks, β€œI wanted a dozen!”

The lab clerk says β€œI thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErectAnarchy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I got friend zoned but being the gentleman that I am, I still have her a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Da3013
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the dad say as he walked out of the donut shop with a dozen glazed?

Good buy!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Beekeepers' Dozen
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haemaker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I buy a dozen bees from the bee keeper , he’ll give me 13

He sure does enjoy giving freebees

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaunUgLee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My order of a dozen bees came with 13 bees

When I called customer service about it they said, β€œ oh that’s just a freebie.”

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PandaYoshi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a dozen medium eggs yesterday.

They keep telling me I have an eggs-cellent future ahead of me if I would just break out of my shell.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madman42q
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?

A six pack.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I told almost a dozen dad jokes yesterday, and I hoped at least one would get a laugh.

No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ima420r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmer’s market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.

The seller said, β€œOh, that last one is a freebee!”

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gothwhopper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the joke about the farmer selling 24 dozen eggs?

Never mind, it’s two gross.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ladder_of_cheese
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I went into a pet shop and asked for a dozen bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

"You've given me one too many." "That one is a freebie."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirlukethemodest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I notified police after finding dozens of smashed porcelain figures in a rice paddy

They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LowInFat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How much is half a dozen?

3!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlaDe91
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
True story: I wanted to print a dozen copies of a document, but selected 'Number of Copies: 12' on both MS Word and the printer itself, just to be sure. Turns out, it treated that as 12 times 12 copies.

I soon discovered that I had made a gross error of judgment.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Eleven elves sitting at a table. What makes them a dozen?

The twelf!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrewciferCDXX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I have about a dozen egg jokes that'll crack you up.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xngamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I was offered $3.50 for a dozen chickens...

I could never agree to sell them for such a poultry sum.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/technically_art
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
So I went to the Doughnut Shop and bought a dozen orders of a dozen doughnuts.

It was totally gross.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nofate301
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
From a dozen people only two survived

No pun in ten dead.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/47Toast
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a half dozen numbered storage β€˜bays’ that I keep downstairs, all my camping equipment is in the last one, so every camping trip starts with me getting back to bay six.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A mathematician sold me an end table, which I put in my living room. When I came in the next day, there were over a dozen of them!

Turns out it was a multiplication table.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandad would tell people he was one of three and a half dozen children

People would always looked so shocked until he'd reply "Back then, nine kids was fairly common"

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zijital
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Half a dozen Indians separated from Hinduism to join another religion. Unfortunately, this troubled them greatly and they fell ill when they branched off into their own religious group.

If you want to join you need to seek six sick Sikhs sect.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/janus10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I've counted at least two dozen lamp stores near my house...

I don't know how they all keep the lights on

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctr2010
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
🚨︎ report
I was in class and another student told our teacher about how a lightning strike killed over a dozen cows grouped together during a thunderstorm.

My response "I bet his calves were sore after that one"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kvekva
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Mario say after he watched Luigi eat twelve dozen raw koopa eggs?

"That's a gross!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/want_a_muffin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad walked down the stairs with his arm through a dozen picture frames.

"I've been framed!" he said.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jontagg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2015
🚨︎ report
I went to the beekeeper to get a dozen bees. They gave me 13.

The extra one was a free bee.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jkeezay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the apiary for a dozen bees, and the beekeeper gave me 13.

The last one was a freebie.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sbush85
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œBack in the day...” my grandfather started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”

β€œBut today...” he continued. β€œWherever you go, there are cameras...”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report

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