I tried 2 short of a dozen puns to impress her...
At least half a dozen puns...
I went to the beekeeper to get a dozen bees. When he gave me the bag, I counted 13, so I said “oops, you gave me an extra-“
He said “Nah, that’s a freebie”
Why did the baker throw in a dozen lemons to his bread mix?
He wanted to make sour dough.
What did Homer Simpson say when he tried a slice of it?
This is sour, doh!
Source: Bread Jokes
Did you hear about the priest who was admitted into the hospital with over two dozen little plastic horses lodged in his rectum.
Doctors say he is in stable condition.
Me: I me this girl with a dozen breasts My friend: that sounds strange...
what do you call a dozen girls named monica that produce music?
Just had about a dozen crows land in a tree near me
I'm getting real sick of this Corvid pandemic.
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. “That’s one too many!” says the customer.
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
A man walks into an apiary and asks the beekeeper for a dozen bees.
The beekeeper replies: "Sure, and I'll throw in the 13th as a freebie..."
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...
so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."
“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
If you take a dozen cows and get rid of two you'll have nine
There would be 10 but they lacked 8
I submitted nearly a dozen entries to a dad joke competition, hoping one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A programmer gets sent to the store by his wife. His wife says, “Get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer returns home with 12 gallons of milk and says, “They had eggs.”
edit: I know guys, I know, it’s supposed to be 13, I messed up the wording, please forgive me
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. “13?”, the scientist asks, “I wanted a dozen!”
The lab clerk says “I thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”
I got friend zoned but being the gentleman that I am, I still have her a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day
What did the dad say as he walked out of the donut shop with a dozen glazed?
Every time I buy a dozen bees from the bee keeper , he’ll give me 13
He sure does enjoy giving freebees
My order of a dozen bees came with 13 bees
When I called customer service about it they said, “ oh that’s just a freebie.”
I bought a dozen medium eggs yesterday.
They keep telling me I have an eggs-cellent future ahead of me if I would just break out of my shell.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
I told almost a dozen dad jokes yesterday, and I hoped at least one would get a laugh.
An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmer’s market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.
The seller said, “Oh, that last one is a freebee!”
Have you heard the joke about the farmer selling 24 dozen eggs?
Never mind, it’s two gross.
I went into a pet shop and asked for a dozen bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
"You've given me one too many."
"That one is a freebie."
I notified police after finding dozens of smashed porcelain figures in a rice paddy
They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
How much is half a dozen?
True story: I wanted to print a dozen copies of a document, but selected 'Number of Copies: 12' on both MS Word and the printer itself, just to be sure. Turns out, it treated that as 12 times 12 copies.
I soon discovered that I had made a gross error of judgment.
Eleven elves sitting at a table. What makes them a dozen?
I have about a dozen egg jokes that'll crack you up.
I was offered $3.50 for a dozen chickens...
I could never agree to sell them for such a poultry sum.
So I went to the Doughnut Shop and bought a dozen orders of a dozen doughnuts.
From a dozen people only two survived
I have a half dozen numbered storage ‘bays’ that I keep downstairs, all my camping equipment is in the last one, so every camping trip starts with me getting back to bay six.
A mathematician sold me an end table, which I put in my living room. When I came in the next day, there were over a dozen of them!
Turns out it was a multiplication table.
My grandad would tell people he was one of three and a half dozen children
People would always looked so shocked until he'd reply "Back then, nine kids was fairly common"
Half a dozen Indians separated from Hinduism to join another religion. Unfortunately, this troubled them greatly and they fell ill when they branched off into their own religious group.
If you want to join you need to seek six sick Sikhs sect.
I've counted at least two dozen lamp stores near my house...
I don't know how they all keep the lights on
I was in class and another student told our teacher about how a lightning strike killed over a dozen cows grouped together during a thunderstorm.
My response "I bet his calves were sore after that one"
What did Mario say after he watched Luigi eat twelve dozen raw koopa eggs?
Dad walked down the stairs with his arm through a dozen picture frames.
"I've been framed!" he said.
I went to the beekeeper to get a dozen bees. They gave me 13.
The extra one was a free bee.
I went to the apiary for a dozen bees, and the beekeeper gave me 13.
The last one was a freebie.
“Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”
“But today...” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras...”
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