My wife was hurrying me along and asking when things were going to be done so I asked her if she was my clone from Moscow. She looked confused and said "No, why?"
I said "Because you're Russian me."
For everyone glad to be done with 2020...
... just remember next year is 2022.
At the office barbecue, I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, “I like it well done.”
I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
A steak that isn't done properly...
Another year has came and went, and there are some things I wish I could’ve done differently
Did you think 2020’s done with you? Well you’re wrong!
Because next year is 2022
On reflection, there's a lot of stuff I'd like to have done differently this past year.
But hey, hindsight is 2020
There are so many things I would've done differently this last year
But hey, hindsight is 2020
As this year is coming to a close, I find myself thinking about all the things I would have done differently.
Seems like I got 20/20 hindsight.
This might be my crowning achievement. If it's been done before, I apologize for nothing. Grape minds think alike- nope wrong fruit.
Do degrees even matter as long as the person gets the job done?
Why did Popeye write to the Italian food company Bertolli, thanking them for everything they’d done?
They made olive oil spread.
There was a remake of Die Hard done by fish
The antagonist was Hans Grouper
As a short guy, I was completely sure there was nothing to be done about my height. I went to the doctor, turns out I had scoliosis.
So my wife is getting some medical tests done (we’re expecting our second child) and had to bring home a urine sample cup to fill up and bring back to the clinic the next day.
She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, “where do I drop it off?”
She says, “Go in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -“
“Don’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”
... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!
Where does The Joker get his hair done?
I can always tell what I should have done as long as I'm looking at ketchup.
Yeah, you could say I have perfect Heinz-site
Every morning when I am done getting my 2 year old ready for school I call her a Canadian potato chip.
Because she’s all dressed.
For all those saying they are done with 2020
Please trade me. I’m tired of wearing my glasses.
What have the romans ever done for us!
Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as “fours”?
What does the color blue do when it's done using the computer?
I’m done being a people pleaser
If everyone’s ok with that
Just got my Toenado done.
My local paper has done amazing work in exposing corruption in our local chicken farms.
They deserve a pullet-zer prize.
I dunno if this has been done before
I must be in the minority, but I always lick my knife when I'm done
None of the other surgeons seem to do it !
I just got done performing at the local correctional facility
It was a captive audience
I'm done with banks
They have lost my interest
Steak jokes are a rare medium well done.
Nevermind, that was raw. Let me cook something else up.
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn't believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.
What did the Nordic man say to the waiter when he was done his meal?
Sigmund's done for the day
I’m done being a people pleaser.
If everyone’s okay with that.
I’m done being a people pleaser
If everyone’s okay with that
At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak and my boss said, “I like it well done!”
I said, “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
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